


Hey there, Roomie

by kvrd



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Roommates, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-04 05:50:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 41,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2954570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kvrd/pseuds/kvrd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were fresh out of university and searching for a job and accomodation. You'd never predict that Yamazaki Sousuke would take you in for nearly half the promised monthly rent and that he'd willingly help you search for a job. The guys could be passive - cold, even - at times, but you could tell he meant well.</p>
<p>Over the course of your now two year tenancy, you two had seen the bond of acquaintances, flat-mates, and now close friends. As life goes on and you two grow, so do your feelings for others and for each other. Could there be another shift in your relationship dynamics with your roommate or could it just be the way the world works?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cloudless teal skies

**Author's Note:**

> All constructive criticism is welcome and I hope that I haven't made Sousuke too OOC. Sneakily, I made him a little tipsy in this chapter as I tried to navigate writing his dialogue. I don't know what direction I hope to take with this fic, but I hope you stick with me 'till the end.
> 
> Have fun reading, ya nerds.

Your thumb hovered over the green _Call_ icon, unsure whether you should press it or toss your phone to the other edge of your bed you were sprawled across. Sousuke had last texted you saying that he was hanging out with the guys from Samezuka and Iwatobi. Of course, neither of you were in high school or even college anymore, but an impromptu reunion had popped up; Sousuke decided that he should attend.

He’d finished his shift at work _five_ hours ago and had been with the guys since then.

You had texted him a couple of times to ask if things were going well and had only received a one word reply at the end of it all: _yh._ You didn’t respond further, worried that you’d come off as pushy. Besides, Sousuke could take care of himself, now. He was a grown man.

The guy was a great friend of yours but you knew that you weren’t his only friend. The same went for you and you were sure you’d appreciate it if your room mate didn’t bother you while you were trying to catch up with your high school buddies. So, for the rest of the evening you decided not to text him at all.

It proved to be difficult, however. If you looked through your history on your phone, you’d see that you and Sousuke had texted each other at all times during the day. From 1am ‘till 1pm, you’d sent or received a message. Whether it was asking about groceries or the meaning of your minute existence in this universe, you two had discussed all.

You were roommates. Of _course_ you two kept in touch.

When you were fresh out of uni and had very little in the way of money – too aware of the debt that loomed over your head - Sousuke hadn't minded lowering the rent until you had pulled your game together and gotten a steady job that gave you steady pay.

That had taken eight months and three weeks.

Even through those near nine months, Sousuke had been courteous and supportive of your efforts and searches for a job that implemented your new degree. You didn't want those four years of all-nighters and tears of stress to go to waste but you knew you couldn't be too picky. The market was tough to break into and you had to work your way up.

However, you’d persevered through each and every interview and rejected offer. You’d taken part-time jobs to try and add some support to the income of the apartment because you couldn't just lie around while Sousuke let you stay for nearly _half_ of the promised rent.

When you’d got the job, however, you’d nearly screamed the place down. Your work and Sousuke’s support had paid off, _finally!_ You could finally pay full price of the rent and then the sum you owed.

 _“[F/N], you_ really _don’t have to do this,” Sousuke insisted as you tried to push the envelope of cash into his clenched fist. You’d been getting this response for fifteen minutes._

_“Sousuke, please, just take the damn money. If anything, do it for my pride. I haven't been paying the actual rent money for nearly nine months. That's almost a year. You have to take this. At least as a peace offering for the days I probably made you want to tear your own hair out.”_

_This seemed to amuse Sousuke, who breathed out of his nose (it was something between a laugh and a sigh, you guessed) and took the envelope from your hand._

_“It wasn't your fault that you had a tough time looking for a job._ Besides _,” Sousuke turned around, placed the envelope on the coffee table and dropped to the couch, “I don’t remember you giving a date for when you’d leave. You have plenty of time to pay me back if you wanted.”_

 _You raised your eyebrows at this. “Hey, you can’t tell me what to do with my money. I’ll pay you back_ how _I want_ when _I want._ Besides _,” you mimicked, “who said I was leaving? What if_ I _kicked you out? Or you mysteriously went missing and the place was left to me?”_

 _At this, you got a raised eyebrow and a slow shake of his head. Sousuke watched as you settled opposite him on your favourite armchair. “You’d never be able to hide my body. I’m too large and heavy to be hauled around. How would you hide me without somebody noticing? Also, it’s not like I have your name next to the apartment in my will. I don’t even_ have _a will.”_

_You nodded thoughtfully at his snarky reply. “I could always just burn the place down.”_

_“I like your thinking.”_

_You hummed approvingly._

Some days you had spent hours in the town centre or at a friend’s house while Sousuke had company over. You never asked questions about who he was hanging out with and what they were doing because he had his own life and you had yours. Just because you shared a roof didn’t mean you two shared secrets. Although, there had been a handful of occasions where he had shared more than he probably meant to.

He let slip some names – ‘Rin’, ‘Haruka’ and a couple others you couldn’t recall now. You could only guess that these were the people he was spending the day with. He’d talked of the days where he’d dreamt of being the best swimmer Japan had to offer.

_“It was an ambitious dream,” Sousuke sighed, “nothing more.”_

You’d been living with him for nearly two years, but only found out two months ago about his shoulder.

_“Is it recurring? Like, does it bother you anymore?”_

_“No. Not since I actually took the doctor’s advice and rested it nice and well for nearly a year. Occasional massage therapy does the trick, also.”_

_You were quiet for a moment, wondering whether you should ask further._

_“Left or right?”_

_“Left.”_

_“Okay. That’s - we don’t have to discuss this any longer if you don’t want.”_

_You hadn't realised Sousuke had his fists balled until he slowly unfurled them and his hand ran through his short hair._

_“Thanks.”_

You decided you should start getting ready to go to bed. It was ten minutes past ten and you’d had a long evening of doing absolutely nothing which, funnily enough, had tired you out. It was probably the universe’s way of punishing you for being an unproductive git when you had so much to do the next day.

Half an hour later, your eyes fluttered close and you dreamt of nothing but floating up towards a cloudless teal sky.


	2. Bar Bamboo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what do you do when Sousuke calls you at the early hours of the morn' and asks for you to pick him up? You're pretty he's also drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, constructive criticism is welcome. I think I'm switching tenses. Damn. 
> 
> And yes, I'm posting multiple chapters in one day. I went on a writing spree. 
> 
> What a nerd, right?

It was dark – pitch black, in fact – when you woke up to the persistent and continuous vibrations of your phone on the wood of your bedside table. You had a call.

“Hi,” _whoa_ your voice was croaky. You cleared your throat and sat up, “who is this?”

“Don’t you have caller ID?”

It was Sousuke.

“Sousuke, what’s going on? What time…” your voice faded as you pulled the phone away from your ear to check the time.  It was half past one in the morning.

“It’s time for me to ask whether you’d be able to pick me up. I’m at the bar.”

You gave an exhausted groan and rubbed at your sleepy eyes. Nonetheless, you threw your feet over the side of the bed, gave a shiver at the cold floorboards, and pushed the phone towards your ear with your shoulder as you got up to flick the light switch.

“Sousuke, there are _many_ bars in the city. Which one are you at?”

“Uh,” a pause, which you assumed was him either thinking or glancing to check his whereabouts, “the one that does shots?”

The guy was drunk. How wonderful.

You turned on loudspeaker and set the phone down. You tugged off your pyjama bottoms and spoke while you rifled through your closet for a pair of jeans.

“Shots? Sousuke, the _name_ of the bar, if you don’t mind.”

“Right. Bamboo. Bar Bamboo,” and then another pause, “what a strange name for a bar.”

You were zipping up your coat when he hiccupped and gave a breathless laugh.

“Alright, Sousuke,” you said as you turned off speakerphone and your voice gave away your smile, “stay where you are and I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. Are you at the door?”

“Yeah. Make sure you wrap up; it’s cold.” Even when he was drunk, Sousuke was thinking of your comfort. What a dork.

Thankfully, you knew where Bar Bamboo was and it was less than a ten minute walk away.


	3. Fundamentally astounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What kind of a dork uses the phrase 'fundamentally astounding' while drunk? One named Yamazaki Sousuke, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a nice, long chapter coming up next, don't worry.

“Hey, I appreciate you coming out to walk me home. It’s late, isn’t it?” As he spoke, Sousuke’s breath wisped and whirled in front of his mouth and disappeared into the dark of the night.

“No worries, roomie,” you reassured as you two walked together back in the direction of the apartment. “It’s not that far, though. Why didn’t you walk by yourself?” Yet, as you asked this, you knew the answer. He thought he might’ve gotten lost, somehow. He was drunk, afterall.

“I’m not exactly too sober. I was worried I’d get lost, somehow.” There it was. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his torso shift in your direction, signalling he was probably addressing you. “I’m really thankful that you’d get up and walk me home, though. Thank you, [F/N], thank you.”

You raised your eyebrow at this oddly sincere apology and turned your head to see Sousuke with his _hands upon his heart_ , his face displaying a cliché expression of gratefulness and a lopsided smile. His cheeks were pink; from the cold or alcohol, you did not know.

“It’s okay, Sousuke,” you said slowly, slightly sarcastically, and smiled as he gave a sigh of relief and dropped his arms to his side and into his pockets, “I know you’d do the same for me.”

You didn’t know what he laughed at, but a bark-like laugh escaped his mouth. “…Yeah, you’re right.”

You passed that reaction off to his intoxication. A comfortable silence passed between you two as you walked for a minute or two which was interrupted by another feeling that Sousuke was about to speak.

“Is it not strange?”

You slowed your pace and considered your reaction. “What’s so strange?”

“Hair, [F/N]. It’s so…fundamentally astounding that we cut and style the strands coming out of our heads. Like, it’s all there to protect our heads from the sun but we just put gunk and clips into it and call it expression. How bizarre.” At this explanation he shook his head and gave another unsteady smile.

Now it was your turn to laugh and chide. “Oh Sousuke, only you’d use the phrase ‘fundamentally astounding’ while drunk.” He couldn’t be too far gone if he could spew phrases like that. “How many rounds did you have?”

Sousuke hummed; a warm sound that reminded you of fine, aged wine and you slowly turned your head to look at him. How could a human produce a noise so _deep?_ “No rounds. Just a couple of shots.”

You nodded and pulled out your keys from your coat pocket. You’d reached home.


	4. Unwavering faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a Sunday and you're off for the day. You wonder if Sousuke is hungover to a comical degree. 
> 
> Most likely not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to keep Reader's past relationships gender-neutral. However, the ex is an asshole, nonetheless. At least there's more background in this chapter. I apologise if it's like a monologue.
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Another alarm, another day. You pressed the snooze button on your phone and lifted your face off of the pillow. You could feel the imprints the fabric had made on your cheek and you felt the ghost of a headache from the night before.

If this was the state you were in, you were sure Sousuke was in a hungover daze. He was most likely still in bed, even.

Thankfully, it was Sunday. Sunday meant no work and no work meant _play._ Play, in your case, was reading until your eyes couldn’t focus any longer or heading out with your friends (but you’d ultimately ask if you could head to their place. A lot of your friends had pets you wanted to spend hours playing with.)

The only reason you even had an alarm for today was because you didn’t want to sleep in for too long and waste the one day you’d be able to do fuck all.

You got your hair brushed and your clothes on. Just as you were about to reach for your doorknob, you had the soft padding of feet on the floorboards. _Sousuke’s awake?_

You opened the door and peered down the hallway in the direction of the living room and saw your roommate's form turning into the doorway of the bathroom. All the doors in the hallway were closed, there were no windows and the lights were off. Yet, despite the poor or even complete lack of lighting, you were pretty sure that Sousuke hadn’t been wearing a shirt.

Now, if you were to be brutally honest with yourself, you knew that you felt a degree of attraction towards Sousuke. From the dark spikes on his head to his huge feet, you couldn't find a physical fault about him. Most days he was passive – _cold,_ even – but it didn't mean you hadn’t noticed the way the light would catch his impossibly blue eyes (could you even call them _just_ blue?) or the way he’d roll the expanse of his shoulder when he stretched. It didn’t help that his hands were so large and enveloping. When he’d sit down, you’d catch him taking his fingers and working them at the sore tendons on his arms, his neck, and once when you were sure he didn’t know you were looking he was rubbing them up and down his thighs. _That_ was really fucking hot.

However, not once did you let this come to light. Not once did you let your gaze stay on him for long enough that he’d catch you looking. Not once did you sit next to him close enough so that you’d feel the body heat radiating off of his side. You’d been careful and considerate. You two were roommates and you didn’t want to put any unnecessary tension on the comfortable come-and-go relationship the two of you had managed to form over the two years.

You’d never seen him without a shirt. But you knew of his toned biceps, the veins running down his forearms and even the v-line that you’d caught a glimpse of a couple of times when he’d yawn and stretch. His shirt would unceremoniously shift and lift and you’d struggle to tear your eyes away from the way his arms would reach up and nearly touch the ceiling, the way his eyes would close in comfort at the feeling of the tension leaving his body. He was unbearably tall.

You just wanted to climb him like a fucking tree. You never did, of course.

You snapped out of your strange train of thought. You were still standing at the doorway of your room and you could hear the running water of the shower in the bathroom. While you’d been thinking on the spot with drool practically running down your mouth, Sousuke had probably already steamed the mirrors and you heard the running water cease. He was going to be out in a few minutes.

Most likely with nothing but a towel around his hips. You’d have a clear view of his v-line, then.  _That_ was one thing you'd never get used to. 

“Fucking ‘ell,” you murmured under your breath. You rushed into the kitchen [it’s worthy to mention at this point that it’s a living room/kitchen. It’s relatively spacious and stylishly furnished, nonetheless] and told yourself not to be ludicrous. Yes, you cracked a wise line with Sousuke every now and then. You were sure that once or twice he had teased you, bordering on flirting, but you’d never let it go in any other direction unless you were sure he felt that way about you, also.

 _Besides, there are plenty more fish in the sea,_ you assured yourself as you sat down at the counter stool with a bowl of your favourite cereal. You noted that you’d need to get some more the next time you and Sousuke went grocery shopping. You tended to do it together so that you could get everything done in one go and there’d be no miscommunication. Simple and efficient.

Just like Sousuke. You doubted he was so simple or stoic when it came down to it, under that calm façade he upheld, however. Something – you didn’t know what – just told you otherwise.

It’s not like you hadn’t dated other people before. You’d dated a handful of others with relationships lasting from one month to one year. However, you weren’t about to rush into a new relationship just yet. The last person you’d dated had used you. The last person you dated broke up with you the month before your penultimate finals at university and you’d just about avoided dropping out of the face of the fucking Earth.

The little shit had been cheating on you for nine of the twelve months you’d dated them.

If it weren’t for your late-night phone calls with your mother (and her assurances that your dad would _beat the living daylights_ out of _anyone_ who hurt you like that again) and best friend’s fierce and protective care for you during your last few months, you were sure you’d be a nervous wreck. You’d felt ashamed that you’d be so broken after learning of your ex’s infidelity. You didn’t think you’d let someone in so deep that they’d have such a profound impact on you.

However, you were still here. Just when you thought nothing could pull you out of the shit-storm you felt you were going through every moment of the day, you’d survived. Your skin had hardened and you’d learned a handful of lessons you’d never forget.

You felt reborn. _Just like a fucking phoenix._

You snorted to yourself as you cleaned up the cereal. This was some pretty deep shit to be thinking about at five past nine in the morning. For the second time this morning you heard the sound of feet padding against the floorboards. This time they were approaching your direction so you turned to face the person coming your way as you dried your hands with a kitchen cloth.

_Well, damn._

You smiled slowly and leaned back against the sink. As Sousuke came up beside you and opened up the cupboards in search of something to eat, you bunched up the cloth and tossed it on the counter. His lids were heavy with exhaustion or, most likely, him being quite hung-over and his hair was even spikier than ever. You assumed he’d barely remembered to towel dry his hair. As you carried on assessing the result of his quick shower, your eyes roamed lazily down to his bare feet and back up to the waistband of his pyjama bottoms (no low-slung towel, huh? Too bad...). His CK briefs peaked ever so tastefully above the waistband of the pj bottoms. You couldn’t stop a stupid shit-eating grin taking over your face and you turned your head and pretended to cough into your hand, barely covering your glowing blush.

“When’d you wake up?” Sousuke walked away from the counter and sat on the stool facing you, opening up a granola bar. His voice was gruff and he sounded like he needed a drink of water more than a breakfast bar.

“Just as you got in the shower.” Your answer was short but you glee wasn’t short-lived.

Sousuke wasn’t just fresh out the shower and smelling great. He was still shirtless.

Every day aside from Saturday and Wednesday, Sousuke would head off to the gym. You knew he had a membership and you weren’t surprised that he actually took advantage of it. He looked like he did. He only went for an hour each time but it showed in the way his toned chest moved as he breathed, in the way his biceps shifted with each movement of his arms and the way his abs showed themselves for your greedy eyes to see just before he sat down.

“You still hung-over?” You asked as he finished his last bite of the bar.

“A bit,” he answered as he walked over to the bin and threw the bar away. “Though I drank nearly twice my weight in water before I went to sleep. Most of the booze should be out of my system, don’t worry.”

“You’re a big boy, Sousuke,” you commented and noted the way Sousuke’s eyebrows rose at your words, “I knew you’d pull through.”

You heard him respond with something between a grunt and a laugh as he headed towards the couch, searching for the TV remote. “Your unwavering faith in me is reassuring.”

You smiled to yourself as you dropped into the armchair and watched as he flicked through the channels for something worth watching. “I do try.”


	5. Reading positions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as you think you're about to spend your lazy Sunday locked away in the apartment (with a very shirtless flatmate), Sousuke offers a trip to the corner store. You have nothing better to do and the book in your hands is beginning to bore you. What's the worst that can happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that last question, 'what's the worst that can happen'? 
> 
> Yeah, you'll get your answer in the next chapter.

It was nearing midday and you’d read past the halfway point of the book in your hands. You’d started off sat on the armchair in the living room, shifting your body this way and that, trying to get into a comfortable position. You’d looked up a few times, wondering if you were bothering Sousuke, yet his eyes never really left the TV screen (he was watching a wildlife documentary – what a dork). Regardless, you decided you’d be better off trying out positions on you bed.

Trying out _reading positions_ on your bed, that is.

Giving one last defeated sigh, you had marked your page in the novel and gotten up from the armchair.

“What’s up?” Sousuke asked, his eyes following you as you made your way to the hallway.

You stopped at the doorway and looked back at him. “Nothing. I’m just going to my room,” you said softly and took note of his position. His right arm was thrown over the back of the couch and his legs were splayed for the world to fit between. His left hand rested on his thigh. You had to resist crawling into that space between his legs and declaring him Poseidon incarnate. A mildly hung-over Poseidon incarnate. _What a hot mess._

Without a word he turned to face the TV again, signalling the interaction to be over.

So now, nearly three hours and a forgotten number of chapters later, you lay on your front with your legs kicking to and fro behind you on your bed. You’d started to feel tension in your shoulder and neck quite a while ago, which you ignored. The protagonist’s health and wellbeing had become so much more important than yours for these past hours.

Your room was a simple square with a large window next to your single bed, a bedside table next to it that you’d picked up at the second-hand store which just about matched the theme of the room. You had a desk but no desk chair (you’d never gotten around to buying one as you just used your bed to read, write, and sleep as your desk served as a display for your various but organised knick-knacks you’d managed to collect over the two years) which you didn’t mind. A wardrobe was positioned a couple of feet opposite the foot of your bed, one lengthy mirror going through the centre panel. Your crowning feature in the room, however, was the ceiling-to-floor wooden bookshelf by the door and the vanity between of the remainder of the window - which had not been blocked off by the bed, of course – and the wardrobe.

You wouldn’t be the first to admit that it wasn’t the Ritz, but it was comfortable, modern and functional. What more could you want? You had decided to put off any further decoration because you assumed you’d be out of here sooner or later. You had come to favour the ‘later’ option, however. You were _just_ starting to get comfortable in this apartment after two years. Another excuse? Hauling around boxes of junk wasn’t your thing. Besides, now that you’d learned of Sousuke’s shoulder, you didn’t think any such strain on him to that scale would be welcome.

Considering that the guy still went to work out nearly every day of the week who were you to say whether he could lift up a couple of boxes or not?

Just as that train of thought left the station, you heard a soft series of knocks at your door. It could be no one other than Sousuke, really. You promptly sat up with your legs crossed and straightened out your hair and clothes. You didn’t know why you’d bothered, because Sousuke had seen you looking a lot worse. There was the one time you had been recovering from food poisoning which, fantastically, meant frequent visits to the bathroom to haul up even the water that attempted to pass from your throat to your protesting tummy. You were glad you’d gotten past that without your roommate seeming _too_ disgusted at your condition.

Of course, he was too much of a damn gentleman to say anything in the first place, most likely. He’d even held your hair back on the first night. How _touching._

“Come in,” you called out. You waited until you saw his head of dark, _damn perfect_ hair peek around the door. He took you a little by surprise by opening the door all the way and leaning against the doorframe. He crossed his arms, leaving you to watch in hidden delight at the way his muscles shifted under his tanned skin as he did so. _Why hasn’t he put on a shirt? Not that I’m complaining._

Then, in his low, concentrated timbre tone, he spoke.

“I’m off to the corner store. Is there anything you want me to pick up?” He asked, placing his head on the doorframe which made his head tilt back just that tiny bit so you could see the clear line of his jaw, the way his eyelids drooped, the weak light from the window adding another tone to his already glinting gaze. “Or you could come with,” he offered, his stare moving from the book in your hand to your own eyes.

You had to look away for a moment, almost _tear away_ your own [E/C] eyes, you were so caught in his lingering attentions. You feigned indifference and inhaled deeply, gave out a rushed load of air and cocked your head to the side in consideration. You could stay here for the next little while that Sousuke would be gone, leaving you to carry on reading the novel you were beginning to lose interest in, or you could get some fresh air and see the light of day for once.

_Oh! I could also get me some cornflakes. Yeah, I need me some more cereal._

You tucked a flyaway hair behind your ear and looked back at Sousuke as you hauled yourself off you bed, making your way to your wardrobe for a few more layers you’d need against the weather outside. “Yeah, alright, I’ll come with you. I need me some cornflakes, anyway,” was your reply. Just as you’d pulled a wardrobe door open, you heard the faint creak of floorboards as Sousuke turned away to make his way to his own room. You closed the door and called out, “Hey, Sousuke?”

He’d just about turned his back to you. His broad, toned, and chiselled back. _Don’t even get me started on his ass._ _That Poseidon-lookin’ piece of shit. Why can’t you just dive into my knickers, already?_ “Have you got a head-ache?”

He looked back at you and shook his head. You nodded back with no prepared response you could give and watched him walk left in the direction of his room. You opened up the wardrobe and looked through for your red sweater.


	6. Not-so-over it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the corner store sends you reeling back to a time you wanted to forget, brings you face-to-face with the two you'd like to forget. Sousuke tries to understand, tries to speak to you but you can barely understand any of this yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the only reason I rated it teen and over was because I didn't know which direction this fic was going to take. It seems to be more of a day-in-the-life recount more than anything. I hope you're enjoying it either way. It's a slow progression but, again, I want the process to feel as natural as possible. (I'm way too invested in this, aren't I?)
> 
> This chapter was originally really long one that merged into the next one, but I decided to cut it half. I don't want to just give you a wall of text and not expect you to pass out while trying to read it.
> 
> It all picks up in the next chapter, I promise.
> 
> Should I place a warning for cussing? I probably should, oops.

It wasn't very far, the corner store, from where you two lived. Not even a five minute walk. In those five minutes, you and Sousuke talked about nothing and everything. About the news this morning or the ingredients for some fancy omelette he needed to get. You jokingly asked if you could have some when he makes it and he just nodded.

_Good. Now I don’t have to worry about tomorrow’s breakfast. I didn't think he’d say yes to me having some of his omelette, though. I can’t figure this guy out._

That last thought, you knew, was completely false. You knew that when he licked and then scraped his teeth along his bottom lip, he was nervous about one thing or another and you knew when to ask or keep quiet about it. You learned that when he said he’d competed at a national level for the Japanese swimming team, his fists had clenched so tight his knuckles had turned white. Resentment. Not because he’d competed, but because he had blown his chances. When you’d gotten off from a particularly stressful phone call with your father (this was in the last few months of your unemployment), insisting your could hold out on your own and that _no, Sousuke is_ not _my damn boyfriend and_ yes _, he treats me well,_ he’d given you a look you couldn't describe. You knew the meaning behind it, regardless.

_I'm_ _sorry._

You spared a glance at him now as you approached the doors of the store. He wore a white v-neck under light blue hoodie underneath a black felt coat. Layer game: _strong._ His shoes mimicked the shade of his hoodie and his jeans were black. You had to admit, the guy had style. You’d once seen him all suited up, dapper, and ready to pick up the ladies left, right, and centre. Possibly even the guys, too. You’d only offered him a feeble compliment before he thanked you (you couldn't be sure if you’d imagined the smile in his voice as he did because you’d looked away, pretending to be occupied with something or the another to hide the growing heat forming at your neck and cheeks) and then left through the front door to meet a date. A _very_ lucky date. That was a couple of months ago and he had never really said if the night was successful or not and you hadn't asked further.

As you two approached the doors of the store, Sousuke went ahead and held the door open for the both of you. You gave a hushed, _“Thank you,”_ and tried not to shiver when your shoulder brushed his chest as you walked into the shop. It wouldn't have mattered if you did because you could have just passed it off as a reaction to the cold.

However, you were finally in the warm, sheltered shop. _It’s really fucking cold outside._

“You can lead the way, Sousuke. We can pick up my cornflakes last,” you offered as you picked up a basket and rested it on the crook of your elbow. “I've got the basket. You go look for your ingredients, chef.” You said this with a smile, however, so he’d know you didn't mind. You knew he’d try and offer to hold it for you.

Sousuke looked as if he was refraining from rolling his eyes at you and instead just shrugged and murmured, “As you will.”

You followed him down the fresh goods aisle as he browsed and placed items in the basket. He was done in just five minutes and you turned to head off into the breakfast foods section. You looked down the other aisles as you passed, purely out of habit. When you approached the baby foods section, you stopped dead in your tracks. You couldn't get your feet to move.

All noise faded from the world. It seemed as if all colour drained around you as well, except on the two people huddled next to each other, reading the labels of the jar of baby mush, seemingly trying to decide whether to buy it or not.

“[F/N]?” It was Sousuke’s voice. It sounded muddled, muffled. Like you were underwater and drowning so fast, so deep. Your chest was hurting. Why was your chest hurting?

_Oh, right. Breathing. That’s important._

You let out a shaky breath and tilted you head back. “What in the…” was the only thing you could think to say under your breath. You were _not_ about to cry in the middle of the store. You felt the tears turn cold and you blinked them away.

Someone was standing behind you.

You turned back to see Sousuke standing impossibly close to you. You took a step back and turned your face away. You didn't need him to see this. You didn't think you’d still react like this.

“[F/N].” You heard Sousuke loud and clear this time. He could wait.

You turned back around to face the couple at the aisle and then you made eye contact. Both of the faces turned to yours and both of them harboured the same expression: pure _shock._

One of the stares moved from your frozen expression to something behind you. The _someone_ behind you: Sousuke. They hung their head in apparent shame, their face flushed. You didn't care.

With no care of the repercussions, you turned back to Sousuke and reached for his hand. He stared down your gesture. You wrapped your fingers around his wrist.

“Let’s just pay for this shit and go,” were the only words you said as you walked off towards the check-out, Sousuke in tow.

Even while he paid for the items, Sousuke stole worried and confused glances your way. You didn't meet them although you knew that they were frequent, if subtle. You picked up one of the two shopping bags and dismissed Sousuke with a weak smile (it didn't feel like you were smiling, _were you smiling?_ ) when he insisted he should carry them. You knew he meant well, but you needed something to, quite literally, weigh you back down into reality because you were sure this couldn't be real. That same dull ache from the end of that year which had seemed _so perfect_ and _so pure_ seemed to settle back into your head and heart.

Another infestation of your healing heart, of your sound mind.


	7. Teardrops in the basin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke calmly awaits your explanation about your freak-out at the shop. What neither of you expected was the turn of events and the actions you two would take to dull the ache that was persistently growing in your body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, here's the wall of text I was on about. I don't know if I just used up all my creative juices on this chapter or I just haven't really thought about it, but I'm struggling with the next chapter. I'm aiming to get it out by the end of this week, though.
> 
> Also, when the reader (you) talks about the advice mum gave, I kind of took it from the end verse of Ring Off by the one and only Beyonce. (It's what her own mother, Tina, says about going through a hard time. I identified with it so well.) I'm weak when it comes to Queen Bey.
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome!

You two began walking back to the apartment and you cut in before Sousuke could begin speaking again.

“Sousuke, I’ll tell you what all that was about when we get back to the flat, okay? I just – I need…I need some time,” was the only explanation you offered. Your voice faded to nothing more than a hushed whisper at the last part of your confession. You kept your stare ahead of you and your shoulders square against the wind that had picked up while you were inside. You had let Sousuke’s wrist go before you’d reached the cash register but still felt the warmth of his skin and the faint flow of his pulse. It had been a lovely anchor for half a minute.

After everything was placed and you had hung your coat on its hanger you made your way to the bathroom. You shut the door carelessly behind you, hearing the faint brush of metal on metal but no click to say the door had been completely closed. You leaned against the sink basin, taking shallow breaths, your arms shaking with the effort of trying to hold up your body. It was a mental exhaustion of another calibre you didn’t realise you were under. It was weighing down your shoulders, your hips, and your head. It felt as if you were going to cave into a pile of scratched and worn bones right on the bathroom floor.

You saw and then heard the faint _plip, plip, plip,_ of your tears hitting the surface of the sink and stopping before they could ever reach the drain. With every tear, you felt that ache drain; from your tear ducts, from your fingertips, from the shallow breaths that left your mouth past your dry lips.

_How long have I been in the bathroom? Time’s going so…slow. So slow._

You knew Sousuke was behind the door from the way the energy in the room shifted, from the sound of the groaning floorboards under his weight. You turned the cold tap and washed your face, hoping the tears wouldn’t seem too obvious and the heat from your body would dissipate just a bit.

“[F/N], can I come in?” Called out Sousuke’s voice. There was an _aching_ tenderness to his question, his deep voice trying to coax its way in to your mind, heart and your very being. Vulnerable. You were vulnerable all over again.

Or you were overreacting. That’s what that little shit had said when you’d found the pictures on their phone.

You grabbed the towel and patted your face dry and breathed in the fabric softener. You heard the door slowly open and Sousuke take two steps in. You put the towel back in its place and put your hands back on the sides of the basin.

“What happened?” It was a simple question that he asked. Could you give a simple answer?

The bathroom wasn’t the largest room in the flat and this became quite apparent when you realised that after Sousuke took another two steps, he was just a few hairs away from brushing your shoulder. You were still facing the mirror and he was standing next to you, facing your profile.

This was it. You gave caution to the wind and cleared your clenched throat before you began speaking.

“That couple, I…one of them, you see, was the one I went out with for the last year of uni,” you began, trying to organise your thoughts to your hushed words and you looked up to your reflection. Your [E/C] eyes meet with Sousuke’s steady gaze in the mirror. It was an unfaltering, supportive look that he gave you. You had to tilt your chin up a bit to look at him properly. The height difference didn’t make him seem intimidating; it made you feel enveloped and protected. “The one who looked at you was the one I went out with. We joked we’d get engaged once I’d finished my finals and graduated. A few weeks after we celebrated our one year anniversary I found out that the _little shit,_ ” you spat, your tone seething with venom and bitterness. You gave a nervous bark of laughter as you looked back down to your hands, “had been cheating on me.”

You looked back up to the reflection to gauge Sousuke’s reaction. He was looking at _you_ , now, not your reflection. You turned your head to look back at him.

He’d taken off his coat and hoodie so he stood by you in just his jeans, socks, and white V-neck shirt. You saw the way his bones rolled under his skin as he breathed in and out, the beginnings of a five o’clock shadow forming across his jaw. The tips of his dark spikes that brushed over the tip of his ears and just past the arch of his brows – he needed a haircut. He had licked and bitten his bottom lip again and you knew because the saliva glistened in the bathroom light and the ghost of his teeth marks were still visible. He was nervous.  You noted everything about him from the apprehension bleeding out of his pores to the faint movement of his pulse at the shadow of his neck, but nothing about his eyes.

The look in them was too raw, to true.

“Cheated? On you.” Sousuke’s voice was low and gruff. _Did he mean the first part to come out as a question?_ He spoke slowly, considering and sorting through the information he had just received. He hadn’t asked you to elaborate, thank goodness, but he seemed to want you to confirm it.

“Yes. On me. With the person at the store,” you replied and it felt as if someone had punched into your rib cage and pierced through your lungs as you realised that, “they were in the baby aisle. They were buying baby food. Fuck,” you whispered and shook your head but found yourself smiling.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” said Sousuke and you could tell he was going to say something else but he stopped. He caught his breath and you saw a shift take place. He clenched his jaw – he _clenched_ his _perfect, sculpted_ jaw – and squeezed his eyes shut and his brows pulled together. When he opened his eyes to look back at you, you saw a blue flame ignite full of anger and sympathy and confusion all at once. “But I’m not sorry that they had to go through losing you. You don’t need that piece of shit. You’re more than that. _It wasn’t your fault, I promise you that._ And if you’re comparing yourself to the other one, don’t. Just don’t. _”_

Sousuke didn’t really rant or let loose or speak when not prompted. You had asked him deep questions, asked for his opinion on matters and received efficient responses, well established thoughts. Sometimes he’d laugh, his smile reaching his ears and the noise would pierce its way right to your mind, searing that delightful sound straight to your long-term memory. Today was the first time you had received such a response from him. _Passionate_ was the only real way to describe it. At least, a type of simmering passion that Sousuke was capable of having. Another type of passion altogether that felt like it belonged exclusively to him.

It was sweet. _He_ was sweet.  _So sweet that he’s going to give me toothache_ and you couldn’t help but give him a sad little smile. You didn’t know it, but seeing that expression on your face was the first step in a journey Sousuke didn’t even realise he’d be taking.

“My dad said something along those lines, Sousuke. You’re both right and I realise that, don’t you worry,” you wiped away at your eyes as you said this, not realising tears had escaped again. _They don’t feel like sad tears. Happy tears. They’re recovery tears._ “My mum said to me, _you’re not going to get stuck here in this mess, you’re not going to die. You’re going to survive._ ” You gave a shaky laugh at those words you had burned into your memory that you had made into a mantra when you didn’t think you could go on any longer. “She was right. I’m fine Sousuke. Thank you.”

You were now facing him square on. He cast a shadow over you from where he stood and you leaned against the sink as you finished your thanks. At this you saw Sousuke’s expression calm, the fire in his eyes cease and turn into the calming lull of waves washing to and fro. A slow smiled crept its way onto his features and reached his eyes, making the light reflecting off them dance. It was like watching the sunrise after waking up from a recurring nightmare. It was knowing that he was here as a friend, not just a roommate. Suddenly, it was all too much.

The dam collapsed and your tears fell free.

Sousuke’s expression immediately snapped back to concern, his arms lifting in an effort to do something, _anything_. You tried to wave your hand as if to say, _oh don’t you worry about me,_ but the tears were coming on so strong that your chest was heaving and your gasps aggressively penetrated the silence. You buried your head in your shaking hands.

You couldn’t stop it. You couldn’t _stop._

Another sound came through. The sounds of Sousuke hushing and his words.

“Hey, hey, you’re here, you’ll be fine. Come here, [F/N], it’s okay.” You looked through and then past your fingers to Sousuke who had one hand reaching out for your cheek. You hastily wiped at your eyes and you stepped into his palm like it was the obvious,  _normal_  thing to do. He brought up his other hand to your other cheek. He held your head between his large palms and you felt your hands stop shaking, your shoulders slump and a tired smile grace itself on your lips. You weren’t even thinking about what the _fuck_ was going on (Sousuke’s touching you holy crap Sousuke’s _hands_ are on your _face_ and working their way into your hair _oh my goodness this is happening_ ) as you looked into his eyes. You bit your lip – it seemed the only way to hold in the giggles that were bubbling in your chest - and closed your eyes, relishing the steadiness of his presence and touch.

“Thank you,” you whispered into the air, hoping it would reach Sousuke and his caring heart.

“C’mere,” was the final word he had to offer before he wrapped his arms around you. You looped yours around his waist ( _such a small waist for such a large man,_ you thought). You melted against him. Your arms settled underneath and his around your shoulders. You splayed the fingers of your right hand and worked them up his back while your left hand circled tighter around his waist, pulling yourself to him. One of his hands went on to massage the space between your shoulder blades and the other reached to the back of your head, lightly massaging your scalp.

It took everything you had not to either moan in bliss or just go the fuck to sleep in his arms.

_I needed this. I didn’t know I needed this._

Your cheek was pressed against his chest. How could he be all hard lines and muscle but be like a cloud of marshmallows at the same time? It should have been like trying to hug a marble statue but felt like moulding against memory foam.

You wanted to remember this. You wanted him to remember this.

You felt him rest his chin on the top of your head and, without hesitation, you asked, “Can we please just stay like this for a while? This is good.”

As he spoke, you felt it. The endless vibrations of his voice passing through the endless expanse of his body, his very bones, his very being. The way he punctuated his words, the effect it had on the way he breathed. The way his chest lifted with each of those breaths.

“Yeah, we can.”


	8. Creeping heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been an uneventful day. Could it take a turn at the last minute when you find out Sousuke is home early?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe this new chapter wasn't out last weekend, but it's here now. Also, it's not too short, either. I've got so many themes and events I want to put our little pair into, to gauge and document their reactions. I'm starting to get really invested in this so knows how many chapters we'll get through?
> 
> Anyway, here's the story. Any constructive criticism is welcome.

It was the end of another Tuesday. You tightened your green scarf against your neck and bottom half of your face. You tugged at your gloved and dug your hands deeper into your coat pockets. It was the end of another _cold_ Tuesday. The winds were forgiving this time but the cold itself bit and nipped at your skin. The tips of your ears had gone past aching and hurting to being completely numb. You needed a pair of ear muffs, you decided; possibly in a matching green with your scarf – aesthetic.

Work had been unusually uneventful today. No urgent deadlines, no company emergencies or even workplace gossip that would have kept you temporarily entertained while you reviewed past reports and organised your desk for the third time in one day. Thankfully, your time to leave had come and you’d eagerly left the suffocating, stifling dull routine of your workplace and you’d gotten out of there in record time.

You passed the corner store and paused. Sousuke wouldn’t be at home right now, would he? He’d most likely be at the gym, probably. You wondered if he’d want anything from the store, regardless. You backed away from the centre of the path you were walking and leaned against a wall, fished out your phone form your bag and opened up your messages.

To: Sous

_Hey you need me to pick up anythin from the store??_

You stared at the screen, waiting for a reply. This was stupid. If he were at the gym right now, he’d be working out, wouldn’t he? His phone would probably be in his bag, in the changing rooms.

_I’m a fucking genius._

You decided to keep moving, to keep _warm,_ and pushed yourself off the wall with your shoulders. You had barely taken a step forwards when you felt the faint buzz of your phone. A text message. A _reply?_

From: Sous

_No I picked up everything on Sunday. Im at home anyway. Thanks tho._

You read the second sentence again and you marvelled at this. Usually Sousuke would only be at home in another hour, maybe hour and a half yet he was already at the flat. You decided you’d ask him when you got there and just decided to focus on not letting any of your body parts succumb to an unforgiving round of frostbite.

To: Sous

_Lol k. See ya._

By the time you had arrived at the front door to the apartment you had taken off your scarf and gloves, each in one hand and the other. You banged your elbow against the door, hoping Sousuke would come and open it for you.

You didn’t even have to wait two second before the door opened. “Were you waiting for me?” Your voice was breathless and you weren’t sure if you were enunciating your words properly because your face was nearly numb. You looked up, anticipating a response.

“Bit of your scarf is on the floor,” was the only thing Sousuke said as he looked you up and down. You felt some warmth creeping back into your cheeks and up the back of your neck as he did so. It was probably the warmth coming from the apartment, right?

“Oh,” you noted and lifted your hand so that the ends dangled a couple of centimetres from the welcome mat at the doorway, “could you hold these?”

Sousuke took the gloves and scarf from your hands. As he did so, you took a step forwards and felt the stark contrast of his warm fingertips and your cold palms meet and leave. Sousuke stepped to the side and you walked into the apartment, shutting the door behind you.

You turned your back to him and took your coat off to hang on the pegs by the door. “I thought you’d be at the gym. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened,” Sousuke started and looked back at you when you turned around to take back your scarf and gloves, “and that’s why I finished my shift early. I came back from the gym about half an hour ago.”  At this, you let your eyes wander over his face and body for any sign of fatigue. Of course, with him being the physical embodiment of the word ‘perfect’, your roommate looked completely composed.

“You don’t look all worked out, Sous,” you said. You felt completely comfortable with making such comments and it seemed Sousuke didn’t mind receiving them. You don’t know when over the two years this shift had happened, but a casual and possibly even flirtatious nature had settled between you two. Up until the incident on Sunday, however, you never thought it had meant anything or that you could ever act on it. Still, this felt different. You felt a second shift after Sunday, a change in dynamics. You felt even more relaxed around him and you hoped he felt as such around you.

“You’re right. I’ll go back right away, maybe work up a proper sweat. My apologies,” he said, the smile in his voice barely contained. You shook your head but couldn’t help from smiling yourself and walked over to the living area.

“Workout routine aside, how was your day?” You called back to Sousuke who was still by the door as you threw your bag, gloves and scarf into your armchair. Technically it was Sousuke who had bought it and owned it, but you used it more often than he did. Probably because he couldn’t be contained in such a small space. He had a tendency to _spread his legs_ when he sat. You turned back to make your way to the sofa and saw Sousuke walking towards you.

He was wearing a black workout shirt and a pair of comfortable grey jogging bottoms you’d seen him lounge around in many times. He made little noise as he padded towards you in white socks. Each time he swung his arms back and forth, you saw the relaxed, natural move of his muscles underneath his noticeably tight top. As you turned to sit down on the far end of the sofa, you let yourself take a quick glance at the careful swagger of his hips and shoulders and the small kick when one foot placed itself in front of the other.

_This is pathetic. I’m lusting after his_ walk, _for shit’s sake._

As you sat down, Sousuke gave his answer of, “Very little happened. At the gym, though,” he explained, sitting down on the sofa, “I saw a guy nearly knock himself out trying to lift some weights. I got more of a work out laughing to myself at that rather than actually moving. I felt bad for it later, though. He looked so embarrassed.”

You gave a laugh and a happy sigh. _Poor guy._ You straightened and smoothed out your skirt, absentmindedly playing with the hem. “I’d be mortified.”

“Yeah he kind of did look like he wanted the ground to swallow him up there and then.”

You looked at him and watched as he smiled to himself at the memory. You would have thought he’d help the guy out, but you didn’t question it. What you _did_ question was how someone looked so good just lounging on a sofa. He wasn’t sitting as far as he could from you. You sat on the far left while he sat closer to the middle. You leaned back into the cushions and saw that his right arm was draped over the back of the sofa and his left hand was on his thigh again, working at the muscle. _I bet he never misses leg day - they’re hefty._ Sousuke cut into the comfortable silence by taking in a deep breath and you saw the steady rise and fall of his chest, his head lifting as he breathed out and the strands of his dark hair catching and losing the lamplight in such a way that could only be described as _enchanting._

_Does he not notice I’m staring right at him?_

Just before you could look away, Sousuke turned his head to look back at you. You felt another wave of heat creeping up from your chest to your cheeks but then felt a welcome calm and cooling at the look in his eyes. The sea of his irises was steady and safe; you wouldn’t drown. There was a hint of questioning in his look which was amplified when he raised his eyebrows.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Sous.”

Sousuke pushed forwards. He ran his hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up at unbearable angles and then rested his elbows on his knees. The curve of his back was smooth when he leaned forwards like that. His shoulder blades were like mountains you wanted to worship. As he breathed his form shifted but you were distracted by his reaction. He looked back at you over his shoulder and his expression was hard to read. Was it anger or confusion?

When he replied his voice was quieter but carried an unspoken weight. He knew he was right but his hands were clasped so tight it seemed he didn’t want to be. His following demand was final.

“Don’t lie to me. You’re not fine.”


	9. An entire empire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He respects your boundaries and you dwell on the turnout of the evening. What a sweet end to a not-so-sweet day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can see I'm focussing on the domesticity of your life with Sousuke. Don't worry, another small dose of drama should be coming up in the foreseeable future. This won't be a static fic. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is very muchly welcome.

For a few breathless seconds, you couldn't speak. Your heart’s beat felt uneven, hurting your chest. You licked your dry lips. You looked down to your hands, stilling them on the hem of your skirt. You crossed your arms to keep them from ripping out your own hair.

How did you think Sousuke wouldn't notice the way you’d been acting these past few days? It’s not like you two didn’t talk, but now you seemed to run your mouth of any moment you could. You knew that if the silence was long enough, your flatmate would ask what was up with the way you’d fidget or lose yourself in thought in the middle of a simple task. You knew Sousuke was observant, you knew that he _knows_ you. It was pointless trying to hide the turbulent turmoil you’d been feeling inside your mind, heart and body for the last two days. He’d been kind enough to not pick up on it. Maybe he was hoping you’d be able to work through it. Clearly you’d been giving too much away.

You still hadn't said anything and neither had Sousuke. He was still looking at you. You were still looking down.

It was enough. For the second time, you let your walls down.

“I don’t even fucking know any more, Sousuke,” you said. Your voice was scratchy, breathy. You uncrossed your legs and leaned forwards, resting your elbows on your knees with your head in your hands. “Seeing them on Sunday just messed up with everything I had gotten over. It’s stupid, I know. I should be _over it._ It’s been over two years. _”_ Your voice picked up strength and you dragged your hands through your hair as you stared down at the dark parquet.

Sousuke then spoke but you didn't take your eyes away from the ground. “It sucks when someone betrays your trust. It hurts even worse when you think it was your fault all long,” he said.

You frowned at Sousuke’s words. It wasn't that he was wrong – he’d hit the nail on the head, actually – but you were just taken aback.

How had Sousuke known exactly what to say? It couldn't just be that he always seemed to have a way with words(!) How did he seem to know what you were going through before you did?

“You convince yourself you can somehow make them love you again but maybe they never stopped loving you; they just didn't love you in _that_ way any more,” you finished. You weren’t sure if he’d heard everything you’d said, but his faint hum of agreement meant you didn't have to look up to see his reaction as your shoulders tensed and relaxed and you barely controlled your breathing.

You heard a faint shuffling of paper and the shift in movement of the sofa, indicating Sousuke had moved. You looked back and he had the TV guide in his hands. He looked back at you, his expression open and soft. He was assessing your mood, whether he could go back to the situation before.

“Want to watch the upcoming documentary about the Ottoman Empire?”

Learning a whole host of history and sharing some TV snacks with your simply amazing roommate was something you couldn't refuse. You smiled in return of his offer and headed off to grab some crisps and two glasses.

“Water or juice?” You called back to Sousuke as you opened the fridge.

“Whatever you’re getting is fine,” he replied and you heard the noise of the TV turn on.

A few minutes later and the documentary had started. You were fascinated by its content and the relics of the past flashing before you, but you were also incredibly grateful. Rather than dwell with you on the unsteady storm of emotions that had built up in you and tire you emotionally after a dull day, Sousuke had offered to take your mind off of it for a little while, to be the best friend and charming man he persistently was.

Of course he wasn't _perfect,_ you thought, as the first break came in, even if he was a physical marvel. He could be cranky and distant. He could come off as irrational and could be incredibly private. Nothing was wrong with wanting privacy, of course. You knew and respected that. You knew that you sometimes wanted time for yourself, especially if you had a roommate you saw nearly every morning and night. However, some days you’d worry extensively when he wouldn't step through the front door after strange hours or if he’d stay in his room for six to ten hours at a time. You knew he had had dates and relationships over the two years and you never questioned his actions, but you did want to know that he was safe and sound.

 _I'm_ _only worried because he’s a decent guy and I'm paying his rent,_ you’d always tell yourself, _he could kick me out at any time, for goodness’ sake!_

Despite this logical explanation, you felt that Sousuke wouldn't do such a thing. You’d even joked about it in the past if he’d comment on your bath products taking over the counter in the bathroom or when you’d suddenly fling your slippers off you feet to see how far you could launch them across the room. The first couple of times you’d done it, Sousuke had tutted. The last few, he’d joined it. You’d won each time.

He could be childish and playful and his jokes went from wonderfully witty to simply crude. (So basically, a lot of dick jokes on both of your parts.)

Memory after memory flashed by as you two snacked and chatted. Eventually, the documentary lay forgotten while you and your roommate talked about this and that, commenting on nothing and everything. It was another evening you two spent talking the day’s worries away and unwinding after a long, hard life.


	10. Gourmet leftovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter musings and a bus journey leads you to Sousuke after he suggests you join him to sort out some business in town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break. I'd say this is a short chapter just to ease myself and any readers into the swing of things again. I'm looking forward to the Reader and Sousuke sorting out their business in town. 
> 
> I really want to try and incorporate the other characters into the story instead of just mentioning their relation to Sousuke, I'm just lost as to how I could do that. I'm sure I could get some hilarious or heart-warming moments in here, somehow.
> 
> I also have something special planned for the next few chapters. Let's see how it turns out.
> 
> Bonus points for anyone who can tell me the double meaning behind Sousuke's last words.
> 
> All constructive criticism is welcome!

You turned down the volume of the song blasting from your laptop as you heard the faint noise coming from your phone alerting you of a text. You reached over to your bedside table from the foot of your bed. You couldn’t be bothered to get up and grab it. Once you did, you remained on your side, looking at your phone which you held in your right hand.

From: Sous

_Got some business in town to sort out, wanna come with?_

To: Sous

_Yh why not?? Are you gonna pick me up or am I gonna have to fly over? Again?_

From: Sous

_Unfurl your wings._

You snorted at his response.  _What a dork._

The exchange was quick and constant. Sousuke’s replies didn’t even take ten seconds. It was as if he were standing and waiting for your replies, too, just as you were lying down and waiting for his. January had turned to February and March was approaching, though the winter chill insisted on sleeping in. Your winter wardrobe was well worn in and your gloves had become like your second skin, even when you were inside. It wasn’t that the heating didn’t work, not at all. Just some days you’d come home with Sousuke absent, the flat developing icicles from the corners of the rooms and you wouldn’t bother taking off your scarf and gloves. It felt like a warm hug in the empty flat, so close to the one you and Sousuke had shared – it felt like Sousuke hadn’t really left.

Just as you got off the bed, you texted Sousuke again.

To: Sous

_Should I wrap up?_

From: Sous

_Yh. Wear a beanie. Im wearing a beanie._

With his warning, you pulled out your black sweater and white jeans, your red beanie haphazardly thrown on your head. Your navy coat and brown boots waited for you by the door. You locked up as you left the flat and put your keys back in your black bag in the same slot your phone was. Hopefully the screen wouldn’t get scratched but you were too preoccupied in your memories to care.

As you stepped on the bus that would take you to town, you remembered the day you had met Sousuke. You had been walking up to the apartment complex behind a man with broad shoulders and an impressively sharp gaze (he’d thrown one your way when your paths crossed as you got off the bus in front of the building). As he opened the main doors for you, you thanked him and asked whether he knew if the resident in apartment number 9K was around and if the tenant was in. Your words had been quiet but deliberate. He’d raised an eyebrow and spoken.

“You’re the girl who wanted to see the flat?” He had asked.

You were silent for a heartbeat, not knowing whether to get huffy at him calling you a girl – you were practically a grown woman – or let your jaw drop. How did he know you were here for the apartment? Was _this_ the guy you had been exchanging formal emails with throughout the month? You were expecting a clean cut suit with huffed exchanges. He seemed _busy_ , somehow, as you read through his replies. He’d given details from when he’d be away from the house and for how long to how to work the radiators to, obviously, how much of the rent you’d be responsible for.

In front of you stood a tall – _so wonderfully tall_ – man – _he was the definition of traditional masculinity, minus the optional gruff-ness_ – in slack jeans – _that, thankfully, didn’t ride halfway down his_ _ass_ – and a comfortable t-shirt with a faded college logo.

“Yes, that’s me. Are you Sousuke?” You had enunciated your words. You didn’t know what you felt you had to prove.

 _I’m probably trying to overcompensate for the height difference,_ came an afterthought.

He’d raised an eyebrow at you. You’d raised an eyebrow back. Something in your chest tightened when his expression turned neutral, as you registered the laser beam blue of his irises, and he gave a slow nod.

“Yes, that’s me,” you hadn’t known at the time that that had been intended as a joke, “want to see the place?”

“Please, lead the way.” With that, you two had been on your way.

The days followed and the first time you two had shared a breakfast had been a refreshing experience. He could cook, he could clean and he had kindly woken you up with a soft tap at your door, asking about bacon and eggs through the door. After you’d gotten dressed and stepped through to the kitchen, he’d asked whether you had were a vegan or had dietary requirements.

“I should have asked in the emails, I’m sorry,” was his apology as you walked towards the aroma of homeliness and the black and blue bombshell that was causing it. It had taken you a while to adjust to his intense aura over the three days you’d been living here.

You’d stood over the stove next to him and taken a deep breath. He gave you an incredulous look and you shot back a sly smile.

“Smells nice,” you’d commented off-handedly, ignoring your own strange behaviour.

_He might as well get used to it now._

University had been a welcome experience. The friends, the parties you’d wish you could have frequented just for the sake of shits and giggles and the campus food. All of them had been new, everything had been revolutionary. For the first few months you’d concocted your mother’s homemade recipes every other night and healthy menus on cute food blogs you’d perused in your scarce spare time. As the course went on and your life spun away from any semblance of control, you’d neglected any culinary prowess you could have summoned. Take-outs and leftovers were the gourmet of your remaining uni days so this here, a full breakfast with freshly squeezed orange juice, was a change you were willingly going to embrace.

The guy cooking said change was another thing you’d willingly embrace but you’d never even had a full conversation with him at that point, so you’d done nothing near acting upon it.

You felt the bus slow more than saw it and your memories took a back seat as you got ready to get off.

You pulled out your phone from your bag on your lap as the scenery of the town centre approached, ready to text Sousuke of your arrival.

Offering a polite _thank you_ to the bus driver as you stepped off, you texted him:

To: Sous

_Right Im in town, where are you??_

The message had barely been sent as you started to walk towards the main square away from the bus station. You stopped mid-stride as you noticed _him_ walking towards you. You stopped walking altogether and didn’t speak until he was close enough.

“You waited?” Sousuke had stopped in front of you, as close as he could be without his chest brushing against yours. Or, more accurately, his stomach. _So tall._

As you waited for him to answer your question you took in the sight of him. The flushed-from-the-cold, tousled-from-the-wind, all-encompassing sight of him. His coat collar was popped (something you thought you would have hated but knew you loved on Sousuke) and his hands dug deep into his pockets, despite the drowsy warmth of the bus station.

“Of course.” It was as if he shouldn’t have even entertained the idea. It was as if you were silly for questioning that he’d do such a thing. It was as if he meant: _Of course I’d wait for you. ~~I’ll always wait for you.~~_

“I have just one thing I need to sort out. We could get that out the way,” you suggested with a coy smile, “and then spend as long as you need on your shopping spree.”

He returned your smile with a slow, delicious one of his own. The flush of the cold on his face scattered over his cheeks and his gaze grew playful. He turned to the side and stuck out his elbow, offering it to you. Your heart hammered against your chest. It hurt. You were sure your blush was progressively deepening and you couldn’t pass it off as the change in temperature from the cold of the outside to the wonderful warmth of the inside. Of Sousuke’s body and the crook of his arm as you cautiously but thankfully looped your arm through his.

“As you wish,” he complied.


	11. Barely a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sky is getting darker and the air colder but you can't help feeling that whatever is happening between you and your roommate is just about to get more interesting.

You didn’t know how to feel about this.

The first few minutes from the bus station towards the centre of town had been quiet. There was tension in the air. Not awkward tension, not at all. More like a gnawing, persistent feeling that this _had_ to mean something else. You’d never done this before with Sousuke, yet you were managing to play it off like it was no biggie.

Oh, but the way your hands felt slightly clammy in your gloves and the unusual heat gathering at the base of your throat indicated you felt otherwise.

Your right arm was still looped through his left, his hand still dug firmly into his black coat. His collar was still popped and you turned to look at Sousuke, not even trying to be discreet.

He was _unforgivingly_ gorgeous. The lower half of his face was hidden by his collar and by the angle you were looking up at him from, but that didn’t stop you from admiring his regal brow. The reflection off of the streetlights gave light to his cheekbones, the smooth skin from the tender area under his eyes to his dark lower lash-line, the way they brushed down whenever he looked down. The sparkle of his eyes against the glare of the shops’ window-lit displays was mesmerising to watch; the way the glow shifted and turned as he glanced at passers-by. For a moment he seemed to frown – you couldn’t really tell, it was a guess, with his collar in the way – and the way his eyebrows pulled in together cast shadows over his eyes. He looked like an avenging angel. Then, his holiness (more like _hotness, damn!)_ looked over and down at you.

Was that a puzzled look he gave or one laced with concern? You couldn’t be sure, but you think you realised why he did so. You had shivered. Even you couldn’t be sure whether it was from the winter breeze or the look on his face.

You noticed that you two had stopped walking entirely. You noticed that you had to look away from the intensity of his iridescent eyes. You noticed that the hubbub of the busy afternoon (was it still the afternoon? How long had you two been walking? It got so dark so early in the late winter…) was passing you two by. You noticed a pair of girls strolling by, their eyes widening in curiosity and a hint of awe in Sousuke’s direction and you smiled back as they looked your way. You noticed your lips turned into an appreciative smile, just as theirs had.

_Same, ladies, same._

You found yourself trying to slip your hand out of the crook of Sous’s elbow, even though the butterflies in your stomach batted their frantic wings in protest, even though you regretted it the moment you began pulling away. Sousuke, without a semblance of intention, stopped your action when he turned to face your way and your hand grasped the area over where his biceps presumably was in an effort to keep the physical connection between you two. In a last bit of effort to keep your cool, you looked back up to his eyes, keeping your expression neutral, only letting one eyebrow rise in a silent question, “ _is something the matter?”_

“[F/N], you’re all wrapped up but you’re still shivering. Are you cold?” Sousuke asked. He dipped his chin into his coat, his eyes twinkling in thinly veiled mischief as he took his right hand out of his pocket to tug your beanie further down your forehead, and he spoke, “Is this not working for you?”

You didn’t know why, but you felt like he was trying to ask about something else. An unspoken inquiry into _this,_ the delicious tension you couldn’t ignore as he let his fingers push your hair back from brushing against your eyelashes, towards your ear, careful not to move your beanie he had so kindly adjusted beforehand.

“It’s just the breeze, Sous, I’m fine,” you insisted, even using your chosen nickname for him to try and convince him, but it was weak and breathy and your laugh at the end was like the soft jingle of a bell, unsure but hopeful for more. More of whatever _this_ was. More of Sousuke.

 _This is pathetic,_ you chided to yourself, _you’re lovesick and he’s your roommate and there are so many other people out there you could fawn over but here you are. Pathetic. What could he, in all the infinities of our known universe, see in me? I mean, just look at him!_ And you did look at him, your thoughts rushing through your mind, dragging you deeper into dangerous depths. _Look at the way that people look at him! You stick out like a sore thumb compared to hi-_

Your thoughts were cut short when you realised that he had spoken.

“Sorry, what?” You asked, feeling humiliated that you’d let your angry inner monologue distract you from Sousuke.

“I asked,” he began, licking his _~~gorgeous, plump, pink~~_ dry lips, “where you wanted to go. You never actually told me what you were clothes shopping for.”

“It’s a work thing,” you vaguely offered, “I’m supposed to be representing the company along with a couple other colleagues. It’s…” you rubbed your forehead in exasperation at the thought, “it’s a black-tie event, so I have to pick out a gown. There’s two places I know will be open and stocking something suited for that, but I – I just have no idea what to go for.” You didn’t even try to mask the stress creeping into your voice. To make up for it, you gave knowing wink to Sousuke and said, “don’t you worry, I’m sure I’ll get it all sorted soon enough.”

Sousuke cocked his head to the side, considering the information you’d just given.

“A black-tie event, huh? Sounds intense,” he observed. He licked his lips andthen scraped his teeth along his bottom lip. This time, you knew this was nerves cutting through his calm façade. Sousuke was nervous. He barely gave it away, though, as he asked, “have you got a date?”

You gave him a real smile at this and nodded, hoping that it would ease him. You still didn’t feel him relax, though. If anything, you felt the arm yours was linked with shift a bit, his shoulders tensing, like he was moving his hand about in his pocket (and you didn’t realise that he had clenched his fist). You heard him clear his throat and caught the look on his face before he looked away.

“It’s just a colleague, Sousuke, he’s _accompanying_ me there,” you assured him, squeezing his arm a tad bit, willing him to just look at you. You didn’t understand why you felt you had to point this out, why you had to say that it was _just_ a _colleague_ that would be _accompanying_ you. “To be honest, it barely counts as a date,” you added, smiling warmly when he looked back at you.

You were now convinced that Sousuke was breathing properly again. He laughed warmly and you felt it in the way his shoulders shook – the way his arms shook, also – and in the look on his face when he tilted his head back to let the laugh escape his lips. Your smile of contempt didn’t leave your lips even as he let out a final, “yeah, you’re right.”

“I want to check out Phase Eight first,” you said as you tugged on Sousuke’s arm ever so lightly (you were still hyperaware of his left shoulder, careful not to lean into it while you walked or nudge into it when you tried to dodge eager shoppers in their determined strides) to try and get him to walk again, “come on, _kaplumbağa_!” He shook his head as you tried skipping ahead a bit in a bid to get him to speed up. You looked back up to him, tried seeing past his collar and you were pretty sure he was smiling from the crinkling around his eyes, from the amused way he shook his head. You felt better, more at ease, when he was smiling like that. You felt happier when he was happy.

Neither of you spoke as you made your way towards the boutique. You let yourself get carried away and cosy yourself properly into the space of your entwined arms again.

_Like a permanent link, a promise, a beautiful bond of friendship and trust. ~~Of love.~~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The notes are at the end of this chapter because I just wanted to put in a few definitions:  
> Phase Eight: a boutique we have here in England. Go on the website because the dresses are GORGEOUS. In fact, go into the black-tie section of the dresses and tell me what you'd pick to wear at the event!  
> Kaplumbağa: Turkish, meaning 'turtle' because Sousuke is a slow-poke on land. Or maybe when he's embarrassed?
> 
> Was this chapter too cheesy? I have a feeling it was too cheesy. I just hope none of you are lactose intolerant. 
> 
> Today I just went over and proof-read the fic, correcting a few mistakes that were popping up here and there. I hope that it's all coherent! Has my writing been changing style a lot? Gah, I dunno. I just hope you like what I managed to churn out today.
> 
> (Btw, my tumblr blog's right here if any of you want to pop in and say hi: http://kardigone.tumblr.com/)


	12. Soul-sweeping gowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your eyes locked on the dress and on the look on his face. The world heated up on that cold, cold night.

The wind had picked up by the time Sousuke ushered you inside and you both shook off the lingering cold from your pinched cheeks and light rain that had begun to pick up.

“It doesn’t seem so bad,” Sousuke began as he looked out of the boutique window, “it’s just a light shower. I have an umbrella,” he patted the bag slung over his shoulder in assurance but you didn’t question his preparedness.

Either way, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him and say, “So do I but don’t jinx it, Sousuke. Remember what happened on the field trip last spring? The moment you said it should die down,” you gave a soft grunt as you tried to slip your coat off and smiled as Sousuke helped you slip it off, “we witnessed one of the heaviest downpours in three years.” You smiled at the memory and at Sousuke’s bashful expression and his indignant huff as he nonchalantly tried to brush off the accusation you gave. He cleared his throat and levelled his features as he took off his own coat with ease.

“Whatever. I’ll hold your coat so you can look for your dress.”

You didn’t say anything as you let him fold up both of your coats and sling them over his forearms and cross them. Your breath hitched for a moment when you noticed the way his grey sweater stretched and pulled as he moved. You didn’t know why you suddenly felt like you had suddenly sobered or like an unforgiving entity had poured ice water over you.

_The hell? He’s just wearing a sweater. Calm down. I think I should have drank the proverbial ice water – I’m thirsty as fuck._

Although you didn’t see it as you silently turned around, Sousuke was scowling. Why had you turned around like that? Had he done something wrong? Was it what he said? Was it insensitive? His silent questions went unanswered as you went about the racks in search for a damn dress –

It caught your eye straight away. It was long. It was sequined. Its neckline was deep but a compromise had been reached because the shoulders were covered. What _really_ got you hooked at its sight was the colour of the dress. It was a deep blue, almost black. It was a glance-by and then got-you-hooked-and-starin’ dress. You checked the tag: _Murcia._ Even the name of the dress was beautiful – nothing over the top, but memorable – and even though gowns and cocktail dresses of all colours and designs were displayed at the window and on mannequins through the finely lit boutique, the simple intricacy of this dress had you sold.

“Is this the one?” Sousuke was standing by your side. You two were in the same position as you had been at the bathroom sink, your tears passing by your lids but Sousuke’s warmth melting you into a better place. You distractedly nodded as you played at the tag and then let it go.

“But isn’t it a bit much? I’m sure there are other dresses…” you trailed off as you turned to look around for something else that could catch your eye. You couldn’t meet Sousuke’s eye as turned back to take one last look at the dress. What would it look like on you? Would it fit? Would you like it? _~~Would Sousuke like it?~~_

You felt, more than saw, Sousuke shrug out of the corner of your eye. After another heartbeat you turned our head to look at him with your eyebrow raised in question.

“I’m no expert, but,” Sousuke un-tucked his left hand from his crossed arms and scratched at the nape of his neck, debating what to say as he eyed the dress, “it’s – it’s a lovely dress. Try it on.”

You let his words be your excuse to giddily grab your size off of the rack and usher him to the changing area. You smiled and laughed with the assistant who helped you into one of the spacious fitting rooms.

“I’m sure he’ll love the dress on you,” she said with an incline of her head and mischief in her eyes. “Would you like some heels to try with the dress or are you planning on wearing flats on the night?”

You considered the offer and decided to ask for a pair of kitten heels which would provide both elevation and comfort. It was almost a mechanic process when you got changed and stood in front of the mirror idly to look at how the dress worked with what you had to offer.

“You got changed quite qui-“ Sousuke stopped in his tracks. He seemed unsure as to how he should continue. You kept eye contact with him as he shifted this way and that, still having held on to your coats. He cleared his throat and started again, “it’s lovely. You should get it.”

You didn’t fail to notice the way his breath hitched when he complimented you. His cheeks slowly gained colour and you could see his arms shifting as he clenched his fists. A small smile appeared on both of your faces but neither of you seemed to notice as you slowly nodded.

“Of course I will. Thanks for your input. It means a lot,” you gave a small nod and turned around to look in the mirror of the changing room.

He was still looking at you. You could see him in the reflection of the ceiling to floor length mirror. He was looking at your back and down to the hem of the dress. His lips were red again. _He bit them…why is he nervous?_

You tore your eyes away from his eyes and turned this way and that, trying to catch the angles of the dress that would otherwise go unnoticed.

“Is it lifting up at the back, Sousuke?”

His eyes shot up to meet yours in the mirror at the sound of your voice and he took a deep breath. Sousuke’s eyes warily wondered down and up again as he slowly shook his head. His chest slowly lifted down as he breathed back out.

Every time he made eye contact with you in the mirror a pang of heat in your chest hit you and your breathing got progressively shallower. You felt goose bumps beginning to form across your arms and back. Sousuke’s pretty little mouth opened to say something.

Before he could, you stepped into the changing room and yanked the curtain shut behind you. With your head in your hands, you sunk down into the soft arm chair and stared at the impossibly blue and impossibly beautiful skirt of the dress. They were both alike, the dress and your room-mate.

_What the fuck is this? What am I going to do ~~(about my heart, about Sousuke)?~~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! It's nothing magnificent but it's here, it's waiting to be read and that's all that matters, right?
> 
> I'm so very sorry for the hiatus. Mocks were a breeze but I'm so incredibly tired from it all. Despite the chaos of school, I'm so thankful that I haven't lost the love I have for this story. Nervous Sous is the best Sous.
> 
> (Shout-out to soshirio on tumblr for giving me lovely, motivational messages and nearly making me knock over my milk! You're the real MVP!)


	13. Mingling scents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're heading out to the gala without the one person you wanted most by your side. Serves you right for being a wuss and not asking him.
> 
> (Please read the chapter notes at the end!)

Twisting this way and that, you eyed your reflection. Every nook and cranny passed under your scrutiny and you made sure that every piece of fabric fell just right and the way your hair fell was perfect to the ‘T’. You were aware that, although it was superficial and unfair, your appearance in place of the company’s would make a lasting impression on shareholders and partners.

You needed to keep it classy and graceful. Exactly the opposite of how you usually were at home.

You knew that you weren’t perfect but, over the time of your stay in this apartment with Sousuke, you had grown and changed so much in these two years. Sousuke had introduced a vibrancy to your days you never thought anyone else could replicate and a soothing calm to your evenings that became the perfect remedy for your most unsteady days. It felt strange to be at home alone on weekends when he was away or on the days that you went to visit your hometown and parents.

It was the simple things like slipping into a comfortable and familiar morning and night-time routine that amplified the domesticity you and Sousuke had created together. It was battling out chores and nagging about grocery shopping that made you laugh and shake your head affectionately, amused at his antics that reared their heads every now and then

The way he’d look away and sigh in defeat when you knew you had the upper hand was absolutely too adorable to handle. His lips would set in a straight line but the comedic roll of his eyes would set you off. Sometimes, if he was looking particularly sorry for himself or tired, you’d cave in and promise that, on the basis that he’d make up for it, you’d do the chore for today. He would laugh and thank you. In fact, Sousuke never broke a promise and, to this day, he had not let you down.

You realised you had stopped applying your lipstick. Your makeup was almost done and you felt great. You’d pampered yourself today knowing that you’d have to be in a good mood to be able to handle the responsibility that this evening was to bring. You leaned closer to the mirror to carry on applying your lipstick.

 _I wish Sousuke could have come with me,_ you thought. You had actually debated asking him to do so ever since you had gotten the invitation. You had a plus-one, but you couldn’t justify asking him to take off an evening just to accompany you to a company affair.

What would he have thought? That you were only taking him along to keep up appearances and because you didn’t want him to spend the evening alone? Or would he question your intentions? You would have loved to spend an evening with Sousuke at a fancy hotel and see him in a tailored suit, his aura filling the lobby and hall like the water of a pool languidly washing over the swimmers in it.

Although you wanted to see him in a three-piece under the glow of expensive chandeliers and surrounded by the luxury that would never match up to his own outward and inward beauty, you didn’t want to bore him.

Caught up in your own thoughts, you didn’t hear or feel Sousuke approaching the bathroom and leaning against the door frame. It seemed that he had just gotten home from his gym session. He’d been gone for two hours this evening to make up for the time he missed picking up an extra shift at work.

It had given you enough time to take a long, warm shower and finish up your make up. The scent of your perfume and shower gel lingered in the room and you turned your head to give a small smile of greeting to your roommate. You reached for your clutch to put slip your lipstick in.

“So it’s tonight, huh?” Sousuke asked and you could hear the amusement in his voice. You looked back at him to see his eyebrows raise and you watched as he crossed his arms.

“Yup,” you replied, popping the ‘p’ and glancing at your reflection in the bathroom mirror for the last time. You gave a heavy sigh, turned on the spot and put your hands up questioningly. “Decent?”

Sousuke’s lips turned upwards in a smile and he shook his head, amused by your twirl. “More than that. You look great, in fact. Your date’s going to be blown away.”

It was your turn to smile back at him and hope that he wouldn’t see the flush of your face under your foundation and contour. “I don’t have a date, Sous. I had a plus-one, but I didn’t think anyone would be interested in accompanying me to a company gala.”

The twinkle in Sousuke’s teal eyes seemed to sharpen, even as his expression smoothed over and he nodded slowly. “You had a plus one and never thought to ask your roommate? I’m hurt, Y/N. Wounded, even.”

You laughed at his reaction but couldn’t really contain the pitter-patter of your heart at his playful tone. Was he still on a high from his workout at the gym? You two were close but when he cracked jokes like these or you felt a change from your usual roommate rapport you felt like a stranger would under his magnetic and enigmatic charisma. He knew how to use his deep voice to lull or pick up a conversation and could – knowingly or not – set someone’s crotch-area on fire with the way he’d silence them by the raise of a brow.

You shrugged a shoulder and looked away from his eyes that were beginning to bring back humidity into the bathroom even an hour after your indulgent shower. “I just thought you’d enjoy a quiet evening to yourself, that’s all,” you replied and decided to join in on his little game. “Sorry for thinking of my roommate’s sanity and not my own entertainment.”

Sousuke’s arms dropped by his sides as he laughed at your retort and you relaxed when you two made your way out of the bathroom to the living room.

“When do you have to start heading out?” Sousuke called out after you as you made your way past the kitchen.

“Like, now. There’s a company car to pick me up waiting outside and it’s going to drop me off,” you called back as you slipped on your heels and winter coat. Your breath hitched when you felt the other arm of your coat being pulled up by Sousuke so you could slip into it. He waited for you to turn around and smoothed the lapels down by your neck. You your eyes dropped to the clutch in your hand as he pulled his away and slipped them into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“Thank you,” you offered and gripped your clutch tighter. Your hands shook slightly and you could still feel the warmth of his hands ghosting past your neck on your skin.

_He smells so good. He must have taken a shower at the gym._

All he did was give a small smile in return. He didn’t say anything or move. You lost yourself for a moment in his presence. The faint smell of his own shower gel mingling with your perfume and the heat radiating from his body set your nerves on edge and your lungs on fire in the sweetest way possible.

You looked back up to him to say goodbye for the evening but your voice fell short of a gasp caught in your throat and your lips stayed slightly parted. Sousuke was standing so close and the shadows that scattered across his cheeks from his lashes reached to his lips. He looked dangerous. Like he could turn at any moment.

He was looking at your hair. Or your forehead. Was a hair out of place? Was your foundation streaky? Oh, God, what the hell was he even staring at?

You got your answer when he reached out to you and smoothed your baby hairs away from your face. His fingers ghosted over your temples and ever so slowly followed the edge of your jawline. You couldn’t control your shallow breaths that blew past your lips and the way they lifted your shoulders that Sousuke had now rested his hand on.

“Call me if you need anything,” Sousuke’s hand rested on your shoulder and you could not take your eyes away from his. Time seemed to move at a snails’ pace and you felt your lips pull into a smile and you nodded your head slightly. “I’ll be waiting for you to get home safe, okay?”

“You don’t have to, Sous. It might be past one or even two ‘til I get home.” You didn’t want to trouble him and you knew that tomorrow was his day off so he didn’t need to spend the evening worrying about you.

_He has better things to be doing, right?_

Sousuke shrugged and his hand moved down to your shoulder to give it a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry about that. You need to get going,” he reminded you and reached behind you to open the door. The column of his neck and his shoulder brushing past yours burned into your memory and, without a word (before you could break down or scream), you turned to make your way to the car and away from Sousuke.

Yet, _away_ from Sousuke was the last place you wanted to be right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me! I am alive, I am well, but I am very busy and I know that there isn't any real excuse for abandoning this story for so long. Exams, however, is the one I am going to use. I had some mock exams and some legitimate exams but plenty of free time to cough up a chapter or two, so why didn't I?
> 
> Well, the answer is that this story is just one of my many hobbies. As much as I love writing and as refreshing it is to be writing something creative that isn't for a grade, I have other skills and obligations to keep up on that meant this fanfic had to be put on the back-burner for a WHILE. 
> 
> Regardless of all that shit, I really do hope that this (clearly FILLER) chapter will be enough for this little while before I get another one up. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things and I really don't want to push the story into different directions just because I feel like I owe you (incredibly patient!) lot after being away for so long!
> 
> It's not the best and 'quality over quantity' went out the window with this little instalment but it's the AFTER the party that I'm excited to write about, to be honest :)))
> 
> All constructive criticism is welcome! (Especially with Sousuke's character. I'm pulling out my own headcanons about so I'd love to hear yours and whether or not you agree with mine!)
> 
> Thank you so much, again, for being so patient with my distracted self! <3


	14. Honey, I'm home!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're tired, cold, and seeing Sousuke back at your apartment is the one thing you know that you need and want right now but will he be the only one there to greet you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone goes ahead to read this chapter, I want to give a HUGE thank you and all of my love to anyone who has stuck around long enough to read this from its conception or any new readers that will be joining myself and others on this journey! Every person who reads this, who leaves a kudos, who leaves a comment; thank you so very much for keeping my spirits up and, in your own ways, assuring me that this is something that people still want and look forward to.
> 
> School and my personal life has been so hectic lately and even though I wasn't anticipating the hiatus to be this long, I kind of saw it coming. I cannot guarantee that the story's updates will be regular since this is just a hobby, something I do when I have the time or energy (which are things that have been scarce for me lately, especially the latter) and I want my own body of work to be the best it can be so I won't be putting out half-assed chapters, not if I can help it. To everyone that understands and accepts this, thank you so very much.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It was 1:34 in the morning. Your vision was cloudy, your body covered in goose bumps from the cold outside and the slow building regret of the night that had been building since the moment you walked out that door had all but consumed you.

You wanted to try and stay rational. You knew that your work friends and other such colleagues would be in attendance tonight (and this morning, clearly. God, you were tired) and that did make the night easier to bear. But not enjoyable. The elegant foyer you had stepped your heels into, the soothing, almost enchanting orchestral band you had walked past and the meticulously prepared finger foods you had dipped into had not kept you satisfied the entire night.

_I feel like an ungrateful brat. Here I am, on my way back from a magnificent gala and the one thing I’m more concerned with is whether or not the roommate I’m crushing on would have made everything even greater than he already has. ~~I’m~~ This is hopeless._

Even though you knew your infatuation had gotten out of control and even though you knew that Sousuke would most likely be in bed right now, enjoying a night alone in the apartment, you couldn’t help but entertain the sliver of hope that he was awake right now and waiting for you.

He’d be soft from sleepiness and lethargic from the gym, but you didn’t care. You were more worried about him waking up the next day tired and groggy because he’d stayed up to greet you from a gala he hadn’t even been invited to.

_He’s not awake._

_But what if he is?_

_I miss him -_

_Oh, I’m here._

You thanked the chauffer and wrapped your coat tighter around your torso to try and fight away the biting chill of the evening. You loved the dress and the way it looked under the soft lights that the huge ass chandeliers gave off but after going to the balcony for some fresh air later on in the night and realising that you were freezing your ass off you realised that this dress was more about form than function.

Your phone was already in your hand and you had been deliberating the entire way there whether or not you should have sent a message or made a call to see whether or not Sousuke was up but you kept talking yourself out of it or got caught up in mindless small talk with the chauffer.

The crescendo of the thunder in your chest – or was that your heart beating – reached its fortissimo as you made your way to your apartment door. It seems to taunt you. _Go on then, fucker. Open me up and see what lies inside. You’ll be surprised to see what I’ve got in store for you…_

Your hand was shaking as you took a step closer to twist the key into the lock and then…paused.

Muffled laughter. Too loud and punctuated to be coming from the TV but not deep enough to be Sousuke’s.

Gleeful pleas right after it. Banter that dies down after a well-timed inside joke.

_There’s someone else in there._

_Just rip it off. Rip the fucking plaster right off._

She had deep red hair pulled up in a neat, effortless pony tail. She was lounging on the sofa, facing Sousuke who had his hands in his face, bashfulness splattered across it as he lifted his gaze to meet the other girl’s inquisitive one. They sat on opposite ends of the sofa but on the same wavelength, one that shifted the atmosphere in the flat that you and Sous shared.

_Oh._

You hadn’t even realised, but you’d been going through the motions of taking your coat off, placing your keys carefully in the bowl you and Sousuke shared, and peeling off your thin gloves. You made not a single sound until you took a step back to take your heels off by the door and that’s when two pairs of eyes darted to yours in attention.

The girl was beautiful. There was truly no denying this when you took her features in during the split moment that you looked at her for. Her eyes were wide and sparkling in bewilderment and wonder and the ‘O’ of her mouth at your intrusion was accentuated with the touch of tinted gloss she wore. Her cheeks were still rosy red with laughter, her ponytail on her shoulder from whipping her head to look at you and the small hand she placed on the back of the couch to steady yours lead your line of vision to Sousuke. For a moment you really did not want to look away from her; you were drawn like a magnet to the way she seemed to try and soak your image up.

Sousuke’s gentle, “hey there, roomie,” and Kou’s grip on the sofa brought your attention back to him and you turned around to put your gloves back on the table surface.

“Hey,” you greeted back and, somehow, a smile reached your face and warmth poured into your voice. What you had thought was an unwelcome interruption on your part turned out into a silent invitation to join the unsuspecting pair. You turned back and the girl lifted her hand to excitedly wave at you and motion for you to sit with her. It disappeared back onto the sofa where you heard a soft _pat, pat, pat._ Without hesitating, you moved to sit in between them and face the girl after giving a small smile to Sousuke who blinked and returned it with his own and a small raise of his brows.

“Hi,” the girl started, “my name’s Kou! You must be Y/N, right? Oh my _goodness_ Sousuke has told me so much about you you won’t even believe how excited I’ve been to meet you! Gosh, I’m so sorry that I’m here at this odd hour, I really hope you don’t mind this I just really wanted to see you so I popped over at around eight to say hi and I know that that’s not the best hour to visit to begin with but then Sousuke told me you were at a gala and that he was waiting up for you and then I just thought it would be a nice surprise but then it got so late and we were talking about you and then I just thought maybe you wouldn’t want to –“

Her eyes were gleaming, her hands were flailing and Kou’s entire body exuded impatience and delight. You were taken aback by her enthusiastic rambling and the things that she was saying – _Sous talks about me?_ – and the familiarity of her tone – _he’s told her about my gala?_ – and the way she grabbed onto your hands towards the end – _what the fuck is going on?_

You decided you needed to give her a break and a breath so you interrupted, trying to contain your own bubbling laughter at her antics.

“Kou! I can call you Kou, right? Is that okay?” You kept your hands in her own and felt the seat behind you shift while Kou gave a few sharp nods in encouragement and you continued, “it’s honestly okay. I’m glad Sousuke had someone to keep him company and that I got to meet you. I’m so sorry for keeping both of you waiting, though. I did tell Sous I might be a bit la –“

Kou let go of your hands then to give a dismissive wave, “oh, don’t you sweat it! I’ve been dying to meet you anyway ever since Sousuke told me he finally found himself a good roommate. Besides, you shouldn’t be stuck alone with him all the time. I’ll pop by to make sure that he’s not being too much of hassle though I’m sure you’ve gotten used to him after two years.”

“Kou, I’m right here,” you heard your very roommate’s voice pipe up from behind you. He was sitting closer to you than before. He put his arm over the back of the couch and his hand rested on your partly bare shoulder. It was so warm and you focused on what he said next, “besides, if Y/N had any concerns, she’d tell me.”

He didn’t give any room to question his statement and you both knew he was right. You could recall the times on one hand over the two years that you’d had a problem with him or your tenancy here, and nothing was too bothersome to warrant any tension between the two of you. All you’d asked of him was to put the toilet seat down after he was done with it in your first couple of days of stay (you were surprisingly cool about asking for something a tad bit personal from him so early on but the night before you had, in your sleepy stupor, _almost_ fallen through to the bottom of the toilet bowl and _oh my god, never again_ ) and whether or not you could move some of the bowls and snacks down to lower shelves because you just couldn’t reach where Sousuke himself had organised them (and you could _swear_ that the little shit still left them up there on purpose on the mornings where you were bleary-eyed and stumbling to organise a half-decent breakfast at the _asscrack of dawn_ just so he could laugh to himself as he watched you reaching for a cereal bowl that he should have known by now to _not_ put up on the furthest left shelf next to your favourite cereal that he kept stealing from).

So no, there was nothing upsetting or annoying that Kou had to know about. Not really. Probably.

Just maybe not the huge fucking crush you had on him and the way goosebumps raced up from your shoulder to your neck when you felt the heat of his hand beside you on the back of the couch. Any closer and he would be back-hugging you, for fuck’s sake.

Looking at Kou, your curiosity piqued at the way her attentive eyes gleamed and a suggestive glint in them had you wondering what the conversation had been about before you had interrupted the pair. Regardless, you went on.

“Oh, trust me, you’d _know_ ,” you retorted, “you might be a whole load of fuckfeet tall, Sous, but it doesn’t mean I won’t fight you if you piss me off.”

There it was, that laughter of Sousuke’s that you loved so much. As you had spoken over your shoulder back at him and turned back to Kou to wink, Sousuke removed his hand from the back of the sofa and you looked back to see where it went.

Your eyes fell on his own that were falling back to his neutral expression after laughing at your sass. The ghost of his sweet smile lingered in the creases by his eyes, nose, and lips. His hand came back down from the nape of his neck after having run through his hair and the odd shape of it warmed something in your chest.

“Well, it’s late and I should get going,” Kou’s voice shocked you out of your mini trance and you turned around to object but she continued, “I have so much work to do _but_ I’m _so, so happy_ I got to meet you, Y/N! Tell Sousuke to give you my number, okay? It’ll be good to have a girlfriend to keep me company when I visit this place!”

You laughed at her childish glee and followed her to the door as she went to put on her coat and button it up.

“I will do, Kou. Thank you so much for taking the time to see me, honestly. You’ve got a safe way of getting home, right? I can call a cab and you can wait if you –“

“I’ve got a car, Y/N, I’ll be fine,” Kou placed a hand on your shoulder and you two were standing under the arch of the door as she leaned in to speak slowly and lowly, “Sousuke’s been talking about you pretty much all night…as much as someone like him can, anyway. He’s missed you. Have a good night, okay?”

Then, with a cheeky wink and a call goodbye to Sousuke over her shoulder, Kou seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye down the corridor, an apparition in the night, not even leaving your roommate with a chance to call out his own farewell.


	15. In tandem with the tides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was the truth, then? Was everything just one-sided for you, the affection you so ardently desired from him feasible, or were you swimming against the tide instead of with it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so writing the last bit of this chapter was a little difficult for me. Even after all of these chapters I am still struggling with my own interpretation of Sousuke's character but, if I'm completely honest, I think that's what drew me to him in the first place - you can't pinpoint him. 
> 
> Giving myself the liberty of ageing him AND putting him in an AU will hopefully excuse any disparity with his character in canon and my interpretation of him now.
> 
> I would love to know what you all think of this chapter SPECIFICALLY because I feel like THIS is the real turning point in the story, ya know? Now that both of the roomies have come to terms with how they feel.
> 
> Hope you enjoy reading!

After the initial rush of returning back to the flat and meeting Kou (you didn’t even know her last name), you finally felt the length and stress of the day sink its way into your bones, your muscles, even the thin skin of your eyelids, weighing them down and making it difficult to stay awake. Before you started to get ready for the night, you allowed yourself a five minute break on the sofa to catch up with Sousuke and you silently thanked the stars of the now night sky that Kou had acted as an impromptu buffer between the two of you.

Your nervousness had never been so bad around him. You’d sometimes get silently flustered at things you don’t even think he realised he did or said that affected you but the way he has looked into your eyes before you left for the gala had left you feeling _exposed._ Not in any type of threatening or malicious way, but in every type of anticipating and _I’m-ready-for-whatever’s-about-to-happen_ way. You could almost have envisioned reaching out and hugging him in the most innocent way, just to feel his warmth and reassurance of his chest moving with every breath he would take.

As you walked back to the sofa, step by step, practically plodding your way across the wooden floor, you took the liberty to stretch as many muscles as you could without tearing the beautiful dress into pieces and it felt _so good_. You made a sound like a strangled cat as you reached the ultimate stretching peak and a head rush ensued when you flopped onto the sofa like a pancake dropping from the ceiling to the floor.

“Are you okay?” Sousuke’s voice came quite close to you and you felt really warm all of a sudden. It slowly registered when your brain had caught up with your body that, _oh, I’m leaning on Sous._

_He’s so warm._

_I could fall asleep like this._

_He’s super muscly but soft at the same time._

_I don’t have the energy to science the shit out of why he’s such a cuddly bear when he’s built like a loading truck._

_An incredibly beautiful loading truck._

“Y/N?” Hearing him say your name snapped you out of your sleepy stupor if only for a small moment and took whatever remnant of energy that had fled your tired ass body to reply with a drowsy, “hmmm?”

“Are you tired?”

There it was. The warmth from his body that had crept into his voice and you could have sworn that he was smiling as he shifted to look down at you. Not that you’d see that.

You also wouldn’t see the twitch of his finger as he debated whether or not he should pick you up and carry you to the bed, or let you lie down in your make up and your dress on the sofa. It was a comfortable sofa, he had made sure to keep the lazy evenings or early mornings when he’d return from the gym or work in mind when picking it out. What he hadn’t thought to consider was how comfortable it would be for a flatmate after she would return from a work gala in a dress that brought out the glow of her cheeks and the curve of her back as she walked away from him to spend the evening away. He hadn’t thought about how comfortable it would be when he received a call from his best friend’s little sister asking about whether or not he was at the Gala with Y/N and if he had taken pictures of the two of them yet. He _definitely_  had not considered the comfort of the couch when he was sat facing an accusing Kou, trying to justify in so many words why he hadn’t invited himself along to an evening of fine wine and music with the girl he was so sure that he had been slowly but surely and sweetly falling for over the two years she had stayed with him and why he would not bring himself to take the selfish step towards confessing his feelings and potentially putting her comfort on the line should things become awkward when she might possibly reject him.

Sousuke didn’t think about the comfort of this apartment when his future roommate would lay herself on his shoulder after an evening without him, the way the atmosphere would shift from catching up with an old friend to relaxing with one of the best he had, someone he now felt comfortable enough to begin opening up to after all of the physical and mental hardships he had gone through.

He hadn’t anticipated the way his heart would be picking up the pace in his chest when you nuzzled your nose  into his side, not even caring that you might be getting make up on his blue shirt or that you were pretty much putting all of your weight on him. He was more concerned with your comfort. He hoped that you wouldn’t mind what he was about to do next when you woke up the next morning.

Sousuke lifted his arm up carefully to wrap around your shoulder and keep you by his side as he leaned back to lie down on the sofa. You instinctively wrapped your own arm around his torso and Sousuke’s eyes closed at the feeling of your steadying breaths fanning against his neck.

Calm washed over him as he stared at the ceiling and he pulled the blanket hanging over the back of the sofa over the both of you for good measure. This couldn’t be real. After all this time he could finally hold you in his arms and, honestly? He never thought it would feel this good.

Without even realising he was doing it, Sousuke started drawing small circles up and down your back, avoiding the exposed area by your neck. It kept him preoccupied as he tried not to let the cosiness of his position lull him away from being able to appreciate this moment a little longer.

The sweet familiar smell of your combined shampoo and perfume inclined him turn his head to yours and take a small whiff. It felt weird at first but nothing could have prepared him for the sudden realisation that _this_ – your smell and your warmth and your _presence_ – was **home.** Not this apartment or even this building, but the person he had by his side who he could not feel content in this apartment without.

When had this happened? When was the very moment he had taken his own heart and placed it so carelessly on his sleeve? _Did you even feel the same way?_ So many questions swam around in his head.

When was the moment he stopped caring that he was falling so fast and hard for you, the intensity of these feelings akin to the moment the trigger was pulled and he dived into the waves, crashing through all doubt and kicking against any current; his own head trying to rule his so very unruly heart. These questions seemed impossible to answer, but he was freed from them when he remembered who was lying by his side and holding onto him, both of you lifebuoys for one another even in sleep.

With this realisation, his steadying breaths and heavy eyelids, Sousuke felt the waves of calm and peace wash over him, as smooth as the feel of your own breaths on his neck and the beating of his heart in tandem with the tides he once swam.


	16. My hand above your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where have you woken up, why have you woken up, and who the HELL have you woken up with? You didn't know if you wanted to know the answer to these questions, but you probably wouldn't get them either way because, lo and behold, Sousuke was too deep in his precious sleep to answer them for you.

What usually woke you up was the obnoxious and incessant blaring of your alarm. Or the sound of Sousuke’s _huge ass_ body creaking certain floorboards and shuffling around the apartment to get ready for his own day ahead. Or both.

Today, none of those things woke you up. Today, it was the sensation of a beating heart echoing through your mind and the steady fall and rise of a breathing chest that woke you up.

_What the fuck?_

You opened your eyes slowly, not quite able to process what was going on. Your hand, resting on the soft cotton of a familiar shirt and the blanket brushing over it were the first few things you saw. Then, again, you registered the heat.

You were lying on top of something.

Of _someone…_

_Ohmy **fucking** God – it’s Sousuke! What the fuck is happening? This cannot be happening!_

You opened both of your eyes to see your hand resting right over Sousuke’s chest and, as you were slowly bringing yourself to the land of consciousness once more, regardless of how much this felt like a dream, you could feel the soft tickling of his breath on the top of your head. Your head with your still styled hair.

And your face with your still-on make-up.

_Oh **shit,** I fell asleep with my make-up on. F u c k  m e. _

You probably had smudged everything all over your face, your hair probably looked like a birds’ nest that had been constructed in the dark and you could feel your dress had pooled up around your thighs. Thankfully, the blanket had kept you warm and covered throughout the night.

Blanket?

Oh, that’s right, Sousuke must have draped it over the both of you.

_Wait, Sousuke did this? Did I not get to my room last night? Holy shit, did I just **knock the fuck out** on him last night and he…he did this?_

_Damn…am I squishing him?_

You didn’t really know what to feel at this moment in time. You’d only been awake for a few minutes but you already wanted to will away the world today and go back to sleep. Maybe this was an incredibly vivid sweet dream you were so fortunate to experience, but the smallest sensations which you were able to register and the clarity of the world around you made it seem unlikely. Maybe this was a beautiful nightmare instead and this was your only moment of content before Sousuke woke up and cried at the sight of you all raccoon-eyed and bird-nest-hair’d, draped over him.

None of that happened.

What did happen instead was, when you tried to move up and away from Sousuke without waking him up (and without cringing at the make-up you got on one of his favourite shirts), he would let you get away.

He still hadn’t woken up or moved himself, but you had just managed to prop yourself up on your elbow to try and climb _over_ him and maybe slither the fuck out of here like a sleepy little snake when Sousuke’s hand on your upper back and his two legs tangled with yours pulled you in for a small moment, keeping a hold on you and bringing you slowly back down to his chest.

You hadn’t even realised that the both of your legs were intertwined.

He didn’t stir and he didn’t open his eyes. He just…clamped around you like a dozing vice and you slowly, trying not to wake him up, lowered back down onto his chest.

You guessed that it must have been the earlier hours of the morning right now and the sunlight peeking through the curtains of the windows confirmed your thoughts, but why was Sousuke still asleep? Right about now, he’d be doing _something_ with his time. It’s not that he was constantly on the go, but he wasn’t particularly someone to fall asleep on the couch until the mid or late afternoon.

_Guess there’s a first time for everything._

You were avoiding thinking about the situation you were in right now, instead choosing to focus on the fact that your roommate had not woken up from his sleep yet – _while he was wrapped up with you under a blanket_ – and your make-up had smeared on one of his favourite shirts _– which your head was resting on so you could feeling strong, steady heartbeat_ – while you two lay – _warm and woven together_ – on the sofa in the living room.

Then he moved.

He rolled over on his side to face you. His legs moved further with yours and you felt shivers run up your body when your bare skin brushed against his thighs, the denim of his jeans creating friction that sent goosebumps all over your body.

You were facing his chest and your arms were sandwiched between your torso and his, the heat from your bodies and the blanket that covered you keeping the cold of the winter morning at bay. The arm he had that now rested under your head was like a heated pillow (even his biceps helped to run the furnace that doubled as his body) and, although you had expected this change is position to be a bit uncomfortable, you were surprisingly okay with the way his body increasingly pressed up against yours when he moved closer to bring all of you with him to hug and hold. You were also, _very_ surprisingly, not freaking out that this was happening right now.

You didn’t know why you had woken up in the first place – maybe it was a cold draft or a noise from you neighbours – but you were still trying to fight sleep after having opened your eyes. You shuffled closer to Sousuke and, without seeming to think about it, wrapped your arm around his waist. You held onto his warmth and breathed in the smell of him which reminded you of his warmth and stature, your home and his happiness.

You drifted off into a calmer slumber than before. You didn’t dream, but the lullaby of Sousuke’s heartbeat carried you away to a safer, sweeter place like the one in his arms and in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we have it...ANOTHER FILLER CHAPTER, AYYY. I'm sorry if this one isn't as exciting or eventful as the others, but I wanted to just have a lil bit of a cool down after having written from Sousuke's point of view so THANK YOU to everyone who offered their opinion on how I wrote Sousuke's internal monologue. I've wanted to write from his narrative point of view ever since the beginning of this fic but was waiting until the right time, ya kno?
> 
> Well, it's up to you nerds to decide how comfortable sleeping ON Sousuke is. Not by his side or pressed up behind him, but ON him, lmao. Either way, I bet he smells really super duper good mhm.
> 
> All and any comments and constructive criticism is welcome and I hope you've enjoyed reading so far!


	17. "Ahh, fuck it."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If not now, then when? Sousuke's arms are a piece of heaven on this earth and the sliver of selfishness you chose not to ignore allows you to hold on to that heaven for a little while longer.
> 
> (Please read the chapter notes at the end. Warning: it's not exactly short.)

Everyone dreams differently.

Some people are capable of lucid dreaming, some of dreaming in full colour while others stick to full greyscale. Others have recurring nightmares or, unfortunately, experience regular sleep paralysis. Some people just don’t dream at all.

You’d never really taken to recording or recalling your dreams unless they were incredibly vivid or particularly strange that night, but this one was different.

It felt like you existed in a vacuum at first. You were simply floating in a blanketing and all-encompassing space of warmth. No sensations apart from the heat on your skin, no thoughts apart from how calm you felt, the undisturbed rest being something that you hadn’t known you were searching for for so long. This dream didn’t feel like one, but you could never recall ever feeling like this before, so it had to be one.

Then came the visions of meadows, country sides, beaches and mountains so beautiful that, if you were awake and they were real, you were sure you would have wiped away an appreciative tear. You couldn’t quite discern when one merged into the next but that didn’t negate from the fact that it felt so vivid to be standing in the meadows and the beaches that you could see the flecks of pollen drifting in the air and feel the caress of each grain of sand slipping through your toes.

Throughout, the warmth stayed with you.

The last and most familiar bit of the dream was more realistic. You were now standing in your living room, the valleys and the mountains’ heights morphing into your own four walls and the carpet underneath your feet feeling much rougher than the plush grasses and soils of the countryside but much more familiar and honest in its own grounding way.

You felt like you had been standing there for days, simply observing the way the sun shifted over the furniture and countertops as it rose and set and rose and set, peaking at midday and wallowing in the low of a slow sunset in the evening. You fell into a trance and your heart beat had almost come to a standstill, too preoccupied with the clarity and routine of the world spinning on its single axis, basking in the glow of the sunlight in your apartment for two. You could feel the warmth of the sun against your skin as it dragged itself across the horizon, neither of you wanting to wake up from your slumber.

Maybe on the fourth day (time was going at a snail’s pace and you stopped paying attention after the second set of sunrises) you heard footsteps coming your way. They were coming from the corridor – _wait, what corridor?_ – while the scenery around you slowly started to disappear before your eyes. The mountains seem to move out and away from you, growing smaller and smaller in your vision and seeming to crumble as they did, their splendour diminishing like the colours bleeding out of the grass and sands beneath your feet, leaving blades of paper white and grains of salt instead of sediment.

Your mind was leaving the dream and coming back into your body, registering sensations of the world around you and you felt a shift underneath you as something -  or someone, rather -  pressed up against you. With reluctance, you opened your eyes

You were coddled in the warmth of Sousuke’s arms, both of you on your side. You were the small spoon.

He was the _very_ big spoon.

You were spooning with Sousuke.

You could feel his shallow breaths fanning against the nape of your neck, tickling the hairs there and giving you a mild case of the goosebumps. The way his right arm flexed under your neck as he pulled himself closer to you jostled your torso slightly forced you to reposition yourself closer to him also to make yourself comfortable and the closer the both of you got, the more your scents mingled until you couldn’t be sure who was touching more of who at this point. The feeling of his left hand resting loosely over your stomach and the beadwork of the dress you were still wearing and the way that his nose brushed against the back of your head had you feeling dizzy _even though you were lying down to begin with._

You didn’t know what to do. Should you just close your eyes and try to fall back asleep in hopes that he’ll be gone when you wake up? So you can avoid the most awkward good morning of your life? Or should you get up now as carefully as possible so as not to wake him? After all, the tightness of your dress wasn’t the most comfortable of sleepwear and you had been wearing your make up for well over twelve hours in it _and_ you had also slept in it. Your pores would never forgive you for this.

So what? If you gave yourself the liberty of being absolutely selfish right now, you wanted to stay. You wanted to be in this man’s arms, feeling the way his legs moved behind yours to pull himself closer to you, the way his chest pushed against your back, creating a warmth and intimacy that no blanket could ever recreate. This was the place you wanted to be right now.

But your make up _really_ needed to come off.

At that thought, almost as if the not-so-little shit had read them, Sousuke’s gruff voice spoke softly behind you.

“D’ya wanna get up?”

You had to keep from sighing so as not to seem annoyed but you _were._ You didn’t want to have to worry about your face of your clothes or the day ahead. You wanted to spend all day in his arms. You wanted to turn around and hold him even closer to you than before. You cleared your throat before speaking softly.

“I think I should. I need to get all this make up and this dress off.”

What you you decided to assume was a noise of affirmation, Sousuke grunted but made no move to get up. He didn’t even remove his hand from your waist.

You remained just as still.

_Ahh, fuck it. It’s now or never, right?_

“I don’t want to get up, though.”

You could almost feel the blood pounding and passing through your heart as you said these words, a small confirmation that neither of you were making moves to stop what was happening. Sousuke didn’t say anything either, but, and you hoped you weren’t being too hopeful, you thought for a second that his breathing hitched for a second.

Maybe even just half a second. You couldn’t be so sure.

Deciding to bite the bullet, you decided to say what you really wanted to do.

“I want to stay like this.”

No response.

_FUCK IT._

“I like this.”

And _just_ when you thought you had royally fucked up anything and everything that had come to be between you and Sousuke, _just_ when you thought you had succeeded to hammer the final nail to the head of your own coffin, Sousuke finally spoke up.

“Then don’t go.”

So, just like that – just like it was _nothing –_ Sousuke put any fears or doubts you had been having about what the both of you felt to rest. He said it. He didn’t deny you of this, he didn’t shoot you down for wanting this. The words he left unsaid said it all.

_He wants to be here, too. With me._

You didn’t feel the need to say anything else as you placed your hand on his that was resting over your stomach. It was so very soft and much larger than your own. Then, without any hesitation, Sousuke placed it over yours and held it there, keeping both of you grounded to this one moment in time where every little thing had slowly, delicately, and beautifully fallen into a place that neither of you wanted to leave.

And even though you knew you would regret not taking off your make up or your dress when you had the chance and even though you knew you would be hungry as fuck when the time came to get up and even though you were pretty sure a shower was long overdue to get out the gallons of hairspray that held your (once) carefully styled hair together, you could not bring yourself to give a fuck about any of that when you had to smile at how Sousuke nestled his face in the crook of your neck.

You were pretty sure you fell back asleep with that small smile still on your face.

_Such bliss._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...IT'S FINALLY HERE, DAMMIT. I know that this chapter took a WHILE (ages) to put up, but I had already written a first draft and was going to publish it weeks ago when I realised that it was SHIT and that I was about to put it up for the sake of having uploaded something. Please know that it takes me a lot of deliberation with these longer, more significant chapters because they serve to steer the direction of the plot and I don't want to upload something halfheartedly just because I haven't put out anything in a while.
> 
> All of the comments I have come across have been so very sweet and understanding of the fact that I'm busy and that I haven't made any concrete promises to regularly upload this story. I spend about half an hour a couple of times a week writing this story, which is not a lot considering I'm already on around 21,000 and the characters have barely come close to voicing what they feel aloud to themselves or to each other.
> 
> I really do hope that you all understand that I cannot promise when the next update will be or that I will even finish this fanfiction, but for as long as I continue to write, I promise to upload chapters that I feel satisfied with, that I know I will be able to read myself with MINIMUM cringing. I've always found it awkward to read my work back a little while later but it's (unfortunately) the only real way I can improve on my writing which is what all of this is about lmao.
> 
> BUT ENOUGH ON FORMALITIES. Funnily enough, even though I'm putting an emphasis on taking the story slow and not forcing anything, more than anything I just want the next chapter to be, "AND THEN THEY KISSED AND MADE HOT LOVE AND THEN GOT MARRIED AND MOVED INTO A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE AND LIVED AND LOVED EACH OTHER INTO THEIR OLD AGE 'TIL DEATH DID 'EM PART. THE END."
> 
> CLEARLY that's not gonna happen but I could always write a crackfic about it, right? The reader walks into the apartment, takes one look at Sousuke and BAM, the tenancy papers turn into marriage papers and instead of rent you give him a wedding ring. And maybe even kids if you want them.
> 
> Okay so I'm just thinking out loud at this point and need to go because I have SO MUCH HOMEWORK AND REVISION TO DO, OH DEAR FUCK but PLEASE do not hesitate to leave a comment. Be it constructive criticism or a plain "oi oi that was noice," I really don't mind because this story and I THRIVE off of the attention you guys give and your super cute words of encouragement so I hope that this chapter was to your liking!
> 
> HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!
> 
> R.I.P to me for any grammatical and spelling mistakes lmao.


	18. Memory lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the seasons change, so do the both of you. Where have you to come from and where could you two be heading to as you take a small trip down memory lane?

As the late winter broke into early spring, the relationship you had with Sousuke seemed to do the same thing. He wasn’t cold like the harsh city winter, but the both of you were still not as warm with each other then as you were now, mimicking the way the seasons shifted, welcoming the warmth and light of the sun. With your bag slung over your shoulder and s spring in your step, you made your way out of the company building, back to the flat where you knew Sousuke would be waiting for you. So, as you walked, you pondered over the change taking place in the house and in your heart over the past few weeks.

Sousuke told you how he had been offered a position at the largest gym in the city as one of their head swimming coaches, a position where he would only be teaching professional athletes and, maybe one day, elite-calibre ones. Now, you knew your housemate wasn’t one to get all jumpy and giddy at news like this but there was no doubt that he was elated by the news either way. His speech was faster, a smile made its way onto his face and after he had broken the news to you, he seemed to buzz with anticipation for your reply.

_“Wait, are you serious? Like, is this real?” You didn’t know why you had questioned it – Sousuke would make something like this up – but it really did seem too good to be true._

_“Of course I am, [Y/N],” Sousuke looked up from where he was seated on the couch, his smile getting wider at the silly question you’d asked._

_“Holy_ shit _Sousuke! This is amazing!” It was then that you started jumping up and down, elated at the idea that your friend was finally getting a shot at the career he had decided on so long ago at one of the most prestigious places in the city._

_You heard Sousuke laughing behind you as you stopped jumping to fist pump in the air, letting out a ‘FUCK YEAH!’ as you did so and you turned back to give him a bright smile in response._

_“Wait a minute…isn’t that the gym just five minutes from my company building?” You almost crossed your fingers in front of him right then and there, so desperately hoping that you weren’t wrong, that maybe you two would be able to spend lunches together or head back home together, spending just a few extra moments together in the day._

_Sousuke’s thinking face was adorable. You stared at him expectantly as the cogs in his head went round and around until his eyebrows shot up and he nodded. He laughed again at the way you reacted to this news – more jumping, hollering, and swearing._

_“Hey, come sit down. You’re going to break something,” Sousuke finally piped up after you had gone from shouting to chanting the words ‘hell fucking yeah’ to yourself. You gave him a sheepish smile as you made your way over to the couch. You knew this wasn’t the weirdest thing Sousuke had seen you do as when you had gotten a promotion a couple of months back you had walked into the apartment after getting home and shouted just as the door had closed, “YES MOTHERFUCKER, YEEEEES. GUESS WHO IS GONNA GET RICH ON PAYDAY?”_

_Sousuke had almost jumped out of his damn skin. He later told you he was in the shower at the time and had thought intruders  had gotten in the house as the war cry you let out after that (he said it was the only thing he could compare it to) sounded like it belonged to a hoard rather than a single person._

_You had, of course, apologised profusely to him and the two of you had later celebrated in your own way which involved some takeaway which you argued was the best for miles or even in the city and staying up until ass o’clock watching shitty horror films, screaming and laughing at the characters’ bad choices and the gory, amateur SFX._

_You made your way to the sofa and sat on his left, turning slightly to face him. You didn’t quite know what you were waiting for as you watched him lean back and stretch his arms over the back of the sofa. He looked so good._

_His hair was still as striking as ever, his eyes like the pools he had once championed and the presence his body commanded was impossible to liken to anything you had come across before. You now knew the way those arms felt around your waist, how comforting it was to be held by someone you had come to know and admire, how it felt to feel his hands hold onto you while he dreamt of thing you could never know but wished so desperately to. You knew the warmth of his neck and the pulse than ran through to his chest, his heartbeat a metronome for the sweetest lullaby that it sang. His smell was familiar and exhilarating all at the same time._

_Spending the night by such a man had let you know, for the first time in your life, what it felt like to be at_ home. _Not just on a sofa in a flat, but on a sofa in your little haven with the man who now held an irreplaceable place in your life._

 _All these thoughts ran through your mind as you were sat there. You hadn’t realised that you had actually been staring at his shoulder – the_ injured _one – the entire time, remising on what it had been like to take a simple nap with a not-so-simple man. Sosuuke hadn’t said anything either, thinking that maybe you were trying to gather your thoughts to say something,_ anything.

_“[Y/N],” he called your name and you immediately came to attention, relishing in the simple sound of Sousuke’s voice saying your name. You had long given up on trying to ignore or push back the way you felt when he did such simple things. At this point, you knew you were too far gone for him that little could be done in the way of trying to back-peddle on the way you felt._

_Coming to terms with what you felt had set you free, in a way._

_“Yeah?” You replied, keeping yourself in check so as not to laugh at the puzzled expression on his face. “What is it?”_

_Sousuke’s shoulders gave a small shrug, “you were just staring off into space is all. Something wrong?”_

_“Oh no! No, no, not at all. In all seriousness, Sousuke, this is amazing. You’ve told me how much you’ve wanted this and it’s all happening so soon – you’re one of their youngest coaches, let alone_ head coaches?”

_You found it cute how he, consciously or not, puffed his chest out a little bit in pride and popped the ‘p’ of his ‘yup!’_

_“I’ve never seen you coach but, I can say with both hands on my heart,” and you demonstrated the action just then, albeit with a little bit of dramatic flair, “that you’ll be one of the best they’ll every have!”_

_That got both of you laughing and you took a moment to admire the light in his eyes and the wrinkles from the way the mirth spread all across his face. Around his eyes, the smile lines near his mouth, the slight bunching up of his nose. It was all so beautiful that you didn’t even laugh at yourself for being delighted at the wrinkles on his face._

You could still hear the laughter in your head and while you focused on the warmth of the memory, the celebration of the events that followed (you two went to the cinema – _totally_ platonic, unfortunately) that you didn’t notice someone match your pace right next to you on the pavement.

You almost screamed when the Sousuke’s voice piped up next to you, asking, “on your way home?”

If it hadn’t been him, you were pretty sure you would have beat someone over the head with your handbag. You had almost forgotten where you were from how hard you were daydreaming.

_You scared the shit out of yourself. Well done._

Thankfully, the only thing that indicated your surprise to Sousuke was how quickly you snapped your head to look at him. Your cheeks were flushed from the wind against your face and your eyes reflecting off of the burn of the bright city lights made you look like a deer trapped in headlights, helpless to the collision that was about to take place. You didn’t know this but, for a moment, Sousuke’s heart seemed to stumble a bit and skip a beat at the look on your face and the shock turning to a pleasant sort of surprise when you realised it was him.

He didn’t mean to scare you but couldn’t let you walk off home alone, not when he could be walking alongside you. He didn’t think anything of it, but he found himself waiting an extra the extra half an hour for your time at the office to be up so you two could make your way home together.

He didn’t really care about how obvious he was making things for himself and, to an extent, to you. He didn’t think he was acting out of the ordinary when he did these things, but he knew some people in his life that seemed to know him better than he knew himself. He suspected that you had also become one of these people so he couldn’t be so sure that he wasn’t being different to how he used to be when he didn’t realise what he felt. He just hoped that you would one day say you felt the same so that he wouldn’t have to hold himself back

He didn’t want to hold back from reaching out to hold your hand as you walked home, or from placing a kiss on your nose (which was now quite red but also quite cute) when you scrunched it in mock distaste when he said something funny.

He just didn’t want to miss being yours. He wanted that. To be wholeheartedly yours.

Sousuke hadn’t really had anyone he felt he could wholeheartedly say he was theirs. He’d been on dates, flirted with the idea of a committed relationship every now and then but always knew something was holding him back. Maybe it was his career that he wanted to focus on or lack of chemistry he found or the way that all those people he had tried to get to know and get to be with in the past just – they just weren’t you.

He remembered one particular night with you. Sniffing and tossing and turning, he was bedridden from the flu. He knew how childish he got when he was ill and he hadn’t wanted to burden you with having to look after him and insisted that you go to work, that he’d be fine since all he had to do was take some medication and rest. The night he had told you this you simply nodded and walked off, making him wonder if he had been too harsh, if you were pissed with him for telling you what to do.

Well, that next morning when he woke up (at around eleven, way after you were supposed to be at work) you had popped your head round his bedroom door to tell him to wake up and sit up – breakfast in bed was ready.

At the time he was groggy and grumpy and had barely registered what was happening when you brought the tray over to help feed him but his thanks and promises to make it up to you in the future had been profuse and even prompted you to tell him to shut it or you’d get rid of him so there’d be no favours to call for.

That had made him laugh, of course. When _didn’t_ you make him laugh?

At that thought, he recalled the look on your face when you had realised his fever was getting worse. You didn’t seem annoyed that you’d have to stay and look after him. In fact, you didn’t have an obligation to look after him but there you were.

Right by his bedside.

His vision had been a bit hazy, a bit cloudy, and he couldn’t really see anything in his peripheral save for the sight if you right in front of him. A frown on your face at his rising temperature, biting your lip in worry and the crease between your brows getting deeper as you felt his forehead with the back of your hand. He was sure you’d said something about being right back, something about medicine. Whatever it was had been a quite reassurance with hat distinct edge of worry you got whenever he would come home from the gym in fatigue or the time he dropped a glass and a few shards got into his palm even though he insisted that he was fine.

This time there was a hint of panic in your voice.

When you’d rushed out of the room to go to the pharmacist, he found a small smile work its way to his lips and eventually break over his entire face. You were there for him, even though his temperature had only gone up marginally – _“it’s still nothing to scoff at, Sous!”_ – and he wasn’t exactly on the verge of passing on to the afterlife. You were just adorably concerned.

 _I don’t think I’ve_ ever _thought of someone as adorable concerned._

Sousuke wasn’t oblivious any more. He knew what he felt for you and what he wished could come out of it, but he also wasn’t reckless. He knew that, if things turned sour, you would come out worse than he would. He did have the apartment to his name, after all. Where could you go?

_Why would they turn sour, though?_

What was he afraid of? Rejection? No, not really. The both of you were adults who could remain friends and be civil should something like that happen so it must be something deeper than that.

_Was it that I wouldn’t be good enough for her? That I won’t make her happy like she thinks I will?_

That was the thought that brought the shadows over his face. Sousuke wasn’t aware of it, but he was frowning and he’d pulled away from you.

Was that it? Was that what he was afraid of? That he wasn’t cut out for you and that your expectations of him, whatever they were, would shatter when you realised who he really was, was that it? Pathetic.

He’d had relationships in the past during high school, when he first moved to the city. At the time he had thought nothing of them, that he’d simply been enjoying the company of someone who interested him, that the other person most likely wasn’t looking for something that he couldn’t offer.

Things had always ended on his terms, though.

He’d been the one to break up with them. He’d been the one to apologise and reassure the other person that they were great (no one he had ever dated had been a terrible person in truth) but he wasn’t looking for anything serious. That he hoped they could remain friends.

That never ended up happening, of course.

And now he was here, walking by you, someone he could feel himself falling for and pondering the failure of his past relationships. He knew he was going around in circles to avoid coming to the conclusion that he most likely wouldn’t like the sound of. Sousuke was doing what he could to convince himself that this wouldn’t work out, a way to trick himself into never pursuing you in the first place.

Not that he’d have to do much to be with you, admittedly. At the risk of seeming self-assured, he was pretty sure you liked him back if the way you’d been staring at him on and off for the journey back home was anything to go by.

Hopefully you hadn’t noticed him doing just the same when you looked the other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter? I'm not sure I actually liked it but I really hope that doesn't change what you think about it, ahh! I don't know, I feel like Sousuke's part could have been better but I don't have the time to go back and edit, unfortunately. I read all of this once over after I'd written it in one go so I apologise for any mistakes or inconsistencies that pop up. 
> 
> Hopefully, once my exams are over, I can sit down, re-read this entire fic and edit the chapters as I see fit.
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for sticking with this fic and all constructive criticism is wholeheartedly welcome!


	19. Laze during summer days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's going to be three years, soon. Three years of living with Sousuke and the warmth and comfort you had come to know in this arrangement seemed to reflect in the heat of the summer afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXAMS ARE COMING UP AND I AM SHITTING MYSELF! But here's a new chapter to make up for my highly likely mini hiatus that will almost definitely take place over the next two months,
> 
> STILL, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME THROUGH THIS FIC! I'm taking my sweet time with moving the reader and Sousuke forward. Just because my own life is racing on doesn't mean the fic have to do the same AND I'm cackling on the inside because I'm pretty sure all of you just want the make out chapter to come already.
> 
> "Patience is a fucking virtue," or something like that, right?

The world seemed to move as if in a haze. The panels of sunlight calmly swam over the back of the sofa, the screen of the slightly dusty television playing the last few minutes of a nature documentary about Alexandra Birdwing butterflies, the messy bedhead of Sousuke as he filled up to glasses with lemonade. With _ice_ in it.

Something to take off the edge of your thirst, at least.

You were bathing in it. You didn’t want to move too much, breathe too hard, think too fast lest you scare away the purity of the moment.

It seemed as though your body was expelling all of your fatigue, all of your worries in order to make way for the warmth and sweetness of the lazy afternoon sun. The curtains blew in the breeze, making way for the worries of the day to leap out the window pane.

You couldn’t remember ever feeling so unapologetically happy lately.

You had been sat with your knees up to your chest and your arms wrapped around them but you undid yourself and flopped onto the seat of the sofa like a ragdoll, relaxing your warm body and closing your eyes as you laid your head back. You could still see the sun behind your eyelids.

Maybe a few seconds later, you felt a shift of weight and someone settle on the space next to you. Just as you turned your head to look at him, Sousuke shifted and turned, resting his head on your lap. Your glass of water sat on the coffee table in front of you.

“You okay?” You asked, your voice seeming weighed and thick like honey, melting in the sweet heat of the summer sun. You couldn’t possibly know this, but Sousuke thought you sounded just as sweet, if not more so.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Sousuke’s tone was playful as he asked, allowing himself to feel the warmth of the sun and your hand that you’d placed on his chest.

“Last time you were on my lap you were whining about the killer migraine you had. Nothing like that now?”

“Nope, all good. I’m fiiiiine.” He drew out the last word, a smile coming to his face as the both of you laughed, enjoying the simplicity of this moment and the way the both of you had found such comfort in each other’s presence.

Months ago, you could have only dreamed of being in this situation; Sousuke’s head on your lap and your hand over his heart. The night you two fell asleep on the sofa had gone unmentioned but the change between you two could not be ignored. The spring came around and you two spent more time with one another than before, even if it meant just walking home together from work on your busier days. Despite never gathering the courage to come to him about what you felt, you two grew closer together in every other way.

Small moments of physical intimacy like this weren’t uncommon anymore. On movie nights, as spontaneous as they were, you no longer hesitated to scoot closer to him on the sofa and lay your head on his shoulder. In response, Sousuke had started to put his arm around your shoulders. You loved the way he’d move the both of you when he let out a laugh he couldn’t contain.

You used to usually have dinner while he showered and clean your food away as he prepared his but he started to eat with you, helping you in preparing and cleaning away, choosing to shower afterwards. You two talked throughout it all and if moments of silence did fall, they were comfortable and you treasured them because they meant you could see the way Sousuke turned the conversation over and over in his mind, either considering it or trying to think of his own reply. There had been many times one of you had almost choked during dinner from the ridiculous shit one of you had said.

You hadn’t realised, but you’d been staring into the space ahead of you while you’d zoned out, a small smile appearing on your face at the recollection of those tokens of sincerity.

“What are you thinking about?” His voice snapped you out of your reverie.

You ruffled his hair to annoy him, laughing as he scowled and reached up to flatten it again. “None of your business, Sous.”

“Rude,” he muttered under his breath and you shook your head at how childish he was being. You couldn’t complain, though. It was cute.

The TV wasn’t on and the only sounds coming from the two of you were the sounds of your breathing over the white noise of the daily commute in the city from the open windows. You started to feel restless for no conceivable reason, your hand on Sousuke’s chest making shapes on his chest.

You hadn’t realised you were doing it until his voice pulled you out of your trance and he called your name.

“Sorry,” you felt inclined to apologise for some reason, but he didn’t even acknowledge your apology. He only looked up at you.

“Are you going to move out?”

You froze. Your hand lay flat on his chest, your mouth hung open a little from the shock of his words.

_Did he mean…_

“Do you _want_ me to move out?” You voice came across sharper than you intended, your voice biting into the tense silence that had fallen over the two of you. You didn’t mean for your tone to change so suddenly, but goosebumps came over your arms and you weren’t sure if it was because of his words or the way the wind seemed a bit more chilled than a couple of seconds ago.

Almost as if time has slowed down, you watch him hurriedly get up while trying not to fall, the shock apparent in his eyes and soft _no, no, no’s_ spilling from his mouth.

“No, God no that’s not what I meant!” You’d never actually seen him this flustered before and you felt yourself visibly relax while sitting up to apologise for the misunderstanding, feeling like shit for ruining the mood, but it seemed he was going to do the same thing.

“I’m sorry, Sousuke, I thought you meant – “ you started, but he just shook his head.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, I should have clarified. There’s no fucking way I’d want you to move out, not if you didn’t want to. This place wouldn’t be the same without you.” As he spoke, he calmed down and the reassuring, gentle Sousuke took anxious Sousuke’s place. He watched as you smiled and shook your own head, bemused at the whole misunderstanding and the way he’d reacted.

“As if you could get rid of me, you little shit,” you said and lightly hit his bicep and he raised a single eyebrow at you. “I’m here to stay as long as you’ll have me.”

Sousuke didn’t say anything to that, just looked at you steadily and, blaming it on the heat that seemed to flood the room again all at once, you felt the blush in your cheeks slowly rise. It was a pleasant warmth that washed over you as he seemed to watch the way you began to squirm under his gaze. You felt like a teenager all over again, sat next to a crush you’d harboured since you were a kid as they looked you in the eye.

You wanted to say something to divert the attention from yourself, something about the documentary or the weather, _anything_ banal to get him to talk or look away from you. You couldn’t get a word out. He just looked down momentarily and smiled, looked back up at you and your breath hitched.

_It’s been nearly three years, now. He shouldn’t still be able to make me feel like this._

The silence continued as Sousuke sat back on the sofa and put his arm around your shoulders and you settled into his side without a second thought, glad to be doing something familiar again but you could still feel him looking at you.

You looked up, ready to ask what he was staring at, but the shock of having his face so close to yours (if you arched your head up a _tad_ bit more, your noses would be touching) and you couldn’t look away from the depth of his eyes.

“I’m glad,” was all he said and it took you a moment to figure out that he had replied to what you had last said. You gave him a small smile, bringing your arm up to rest on his stomach. You both turned to look back at the TV and Sousuke switched the channel.

You barely registered that he did because for one scorching moment, his eyes had looked down to your lips and it had taken every ounce of energy for you not to move those few centimetres it would have taken to kiss Yamazaki Sousuke.


	20. Searching for Sousuke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You had no idea that Sousuke's high school friends were at one of the most important races he could have attended other than the grand finale - the Olympics - and they're not only here to congratulate him, but also to say hi to you and Kou...or was it Gou?

The sea of people that were gathered in the stands drowned out any conversation you could have hoped to have with Kou. They roared and cheered for the swimmers as they sped through the water unlike anything you’d ever seen with your own eyes. It just wasn’t the same as watching it on TV; the adrenaline was so palpably you could have balled it up and thrown it into the swimming pool. Or maybe it was the water itself. It would explain how they were moving like that and so fast.

You were snapped out of your abundant admiration for the form and speed of the swimmers when Kou shook your shoulder and shouted something in your ear that you couldn’t quite make out.

“Sousuke! He’s down there!” She shouted out again and pointed down to the ground level where coaches and swimming staff were lined up, ready to move things along and keep the competition going. Just as Kou pointed out, Sousuke was standing by the rows of staff and even though you couldn’t make out the look on his face, his posture screamed restraint and you were pretty sure his crossed arms were a way to stop himself from leaping forward and screaming out just like the crowd in the stands above him were doing.

Everything had accumulated to this final moment. All of his months of training with some of the most notable names in the city, the extra hours he’d stay behind to push his athletes that extra mile, the hours spent constructing the perfect training schedule and the changes he’d painstakingly make to them once any progress was make (it was more often than not that that would happen – he was exceptional at what he did) all came down to _this._ The speed of the swimmer and the strength of their teamwork was tested in this moment, something that their trainer was almost entirely responsible for nurturing and crafting. The man behind the scenes was the man you admired most in everything he did and although you knew the real action was in another direction entirely, you couldn’t help but keep your sight fixed on him, to see what he’d do once everything was done.

They were in the lead. _His_ team, _his_ efforts and the swimmer’s dedication were in the lead. Nothing but gains were being made and, unable to hold it back any longer, you joined Kou in pumping your arms in the air and shouting as loud as you could above the crowd.

The two of you chanted the name of the team right up until the last few seconds. Kou only seemed to take on a crescendo and get louder by the second as the final swimmer tore into and through the water but your voice seemed to cut off and all you could do was watch with your teeth gnawing at your lips. If the nerves were eating away at you like this, then you couldn’t imagine what it was like for the athletes themselves, for their coaches watching from the sides.

Before you could even think to glance back at Sousuke, the most precious and final few moments finally arrived and, just like Kou was, you jumped up and down, yelling louder than you ever remember having done so.

The loudness of the crowd before? It was _nothing_ compared to now. The whole infrastructure of the place seemed to shake with the thunder of voices that cried out in victory as the first touch landed.

_HOLY SHIT. SOUSUKE’S TEAM. THEY WON!_

A minute later the stadium was awash with the colours of the mascot and the difference? A decisive _four seconds_. There was no denying the teams victory and as the team were met with hordes of staff and celebratory slaps on the back, you finally were able to look away from the scoreboard.

No matter how hard you looked, you couldn’t spot the team captain in the commotion down below. Before you could make sense of anything else, you felt someone tug at your wrist and in a few seconds you and Kou were racing between the seats to make it downstairs.

Kou’s hair, curled and blazing under the fluorescent lighting of the stadium, bounced up and down as she dragged you down one of the hallways. Both of your footsteps echoed off the walls and Kou’s voice hitched up in excitement as you two neared the sounds of cheering and shouting.

“I think he’s down here!” Kou exclaimed as she looked back at you and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing at the look painted across her face – it was pure, unadulterated glee. Her eyes shone and her smile seemed to take over her entire face, colouring her cheeks a flush pink ( _maybe it’s all the running, genius_ ) and bringing out the wrinkles and laugh lines around her mouth and eyes.

Her joy seemed to zap like electric through her fingertips, up your arm and your neck, raising the tiny hairs there. It’s not that you weren’t elated but everything seemed to happen so quickly. It was only a few minutes later that you had jumped up to celebrate the clear victory and now you were slowing down after coming through a maze, the corridor the teams were coming down right before your eyes.

While you and Kou stayed silent trying to catch your breaths and congratulating passers-by, neither of you stopped searching the tops of the congregation for a familiar head of black hair that would be sailing above all the others.

Before you could wonder aloud to Kou if Sousuke had already made it to the changing room with the others, a voice you couldn’t recognise piped up from behind both of you and you turned around to a guy (followed by what seemed like his elite posse) running at full speed towards the both of you. No, towards –

“ _Gooouuuu! It’s been sooo looooooong!”_

You may not have known who he was, but you sure as hell knew how loud he was. He still had half of the corridor to run through but you could still hear his giggles and he put his arms down that he had frantically been waving, flailing them like he had been drowning, calling for help.

Completely and utterly bewildered, you looked to Kou – _wait, hadn’t he just called her “Gou”?_ – for some kind of clarity as to who this guy was and where the hell he got his energy from, but you were just met with the sight of her in a clear face-palm and as she put her head up to say something, exasperation. Although, the longer you looked at her, the more it seemed to fade, almost like it was a conditioned response. You were pretty sure she was just as glad to see whoever the loud one was.

Before you could even bring your attention to the others who were still making their way up the corridor who were walking like the rest of the human populous usually would, the boy (he looked quite young and you couldn’t quite pin what brought the look of youth to his face) finally stopped in front of Kou. Silent except for the smile that seemed to scream joy on his face and his small pants from the quicker journey he took than his friends.

_Fucking hell. If I’d had ran like he did, I’d be wheezing by now. It’s took me so long to recover from jogging down this corridor alone_.

 

“Oi, Nagisa! How many times do I have to tell you? It’s _Koooouuuuuu –_ “ she really did draw it out, “ _not_ ‘Gou’! You’re so childish, I swear…”

The boy – Nagisa, apparently – rolled his eyes and nudged Kou, dismissing her complaint and kept the same excitement in seeing her and replied, “ah, come on! You know I’m just pulling your leg. Aren’t you happy to see me?”

As if his theatrics hadn’t been enough up until now which, you had to admit, really were adorable, he struck a small pose. Hand on his hips, his head turned up to show off his height. Neither Kou nor you could stop from laughing at his antics and so Kou went in for a huge hug, being lifted up and spun around and all. You watched on happily as the two continued to argue in between themselves. For some reason, you felt like a proud mother as you watched Kou giggle away and then slap Nagisa lightly on the shoulder for something ridiculous he said. She looked so damn _happy_ that it was infectious.

You were so involved in laughing at the pair’s antics that you almost forgot about the other group of people approaching. You were reminded again when you heard the footsteps get closer and saw Kou snap from her conversation to waving in their direction.

“Oh my God, hey guys!” Kou waved frantically at the approaching guys and they warmly greeted her back, an air of familiarity settling over the group. A taller boy with brown hair spoke up first.

“Hey Kou, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” His smile was warm and his kind green eyes seemed somewhat apologetic for it. “How’ve you been?”

“Ah, same old, same old, ya know?” Kou dismissed, her attention then snapping to you by her side. You completely forgot to introduce yourself, feeling somewhat at home already in the presence of the group and Kou piped up, “this is [Y/N[, Sousuke’s friend. She came with me to watch the competition.”

At hearing this, a guy standing behind someone shorter with darker hair snapped his fingers and pointed at you, clearly remembering something at the mention of your name. A smile came up on his face, some glee clear in his smile. His voice was full of wonder as he spoke.

_“You’re_ Sousuke’s house mate, right? Yah, he mentions you a lot, I just didn’t think we’d get to meet you today,” he reached out his hand to introduce himself, “Matsuoka Rin. I’m Kou’s older brother and I’m pretty close to Sousuke.”

Brother? It made sense, though. The somewhat mischievous glint in his eye as he mentioned Sousuke and the fiery red hair? Seemed to be common Matsuoka traits.

You couldn’t be sure, but when you’d seen him smile, you could have _sworn_ that his teeth seemed a bit sharp, almost shark-like, but you dismissed that as a trick of the harsh lighting. Either way, you had to give it to the Matsuoka genes; he was cute. Maybe not in Kou’s endearing, bubbly ay, but in his own outward way.

After you shook his hand, telling him you were pleased to meet him you turned to the other guys.

“Um, if I’m not mistaken, are you guys the friends Sousuke had in high school? From the school swim teams?” You weren’t quite sure since although Sousuke had shared some names and memories to do with the teams, he hadn’t given any physical descriptions. The tallest of the group – kind eyes – nodded.

“That’s us, all right. I’m Tachibana Makoto. I went to Iwatobi with these guys while Rin here went to Samezuka with Sousuke.” Makoto gestured to Nagisa and the two guys who hadn’t spoken so far. You knew that their names were Haru and Rei, but you didn’t know which one was which.

Nagisa’s voice cut through your musing and he, belatedly but excitedly, introduced himself, “I’m so sorry for not introducing myself, how rude of me! My names Hazuki Nagisa but you probably knew that from Kou shouting at me.” You laughed when Kou sent a glare his way and you put your hands up, reassuring him that it was okay.

“It’s fine! It’s nice to meet you too, Nagisa,” you put your hand out to shake his and, although his handshake was quit enthusiastic, it was sincere with both of his hands over yours.

When you let go, the guy next to him with red rimmed glasses cleared his throat and also put his hand out and you did so.

“My name’s Ryugazaki Rei. It’s nice to make your acquaintance, Miss [Y/N]. I’m glad you could come out here and support Sousuke with us,” although Rei’s introduction was quite formal, he seemed more relaxed than a few seconds before, relaxing when you and Nagisa were able to laugh about his behaviour, “I’m so sorry about how loud Nagisa is. I hope you can forgive him.”

This also got a laugh from you and you continued to insist that it was okay and you looked to the other guys who looked pleased that you were okay with what was going on and Nagisa seemed to grow flustered by the second until the final introduction came.

You turned to the quietest one of the group and his levelled look seemed to sober you and you silently reached your hand out as he did, his introduction brief but laced with no hint of hostility.

“Hi, I’m Nanase Haruka,” his voice wasn’t as loud as the others’ but it was still clear. Although he wasn’t as _extra_ as the rest of the group, his presence still matched theirs, even in his silence. Haruka’s stare was steady and his face neutral while he looked at you but, when the others were creating a small racket, you thought you had seen his features soften – or at least change – and it made sense. You’d heard that these guys had known each other for a long time and had gone through a lot together. It was kind of beautiful to watch, in a way.

Each person’s presence, their aura, whatever you settled on calling it, was unique. From a glance they all seemed to fit a trope: the smart one, the motherly one, the silent one, the childish one, the somewhat scary one, etc. However, you knew that if you eventually got to know them, their personalities would reveal so much more than what met the eye, as all people do. Some seemed more open right now, but you knew that they all had their own insecurities and fears ( _just like me and everyone else_ ) but that they’d have hidden strengths that would surprise and inspire you. Sousuke was like that.

You’d been thinking all of that to yourself while the others had been talking amongst themselves and you finally snapped back to attention in the middle of the conversation.

“…either with the swimmers or other coaches, maybe,” Kou asked as she searched the thinning crowd for any sign of Sousuke or his team. “Don’t know what it’s like here but maybe we’re not allowed to come back this far.”

Rin snorted, dismissing her worries. “Even if we’re not, we’ll make them let us in. We’re his friends! And maybe [Y/N] can just say she needs to give him his house keys or something and we can tag along.”

Some nodded in agreement while some raised their brows at the idea, but eventually Rei spoke up. “Either way, I know all of us would like to congratulate Sousuke for his incredible coaching and his team’s performance. It would be an honour to see him again after so long.”

The group all smiled in agreement to this and, even though you had barely known these guys for more than ten minutes, you could finally start to understand why Sousuke and Kou were impartial to them, even if it did seem like they were a headache more often than not. The bond they all shared? It was so strong you thought that, if you concentrated just long enough, you could see the string tying them together and it would stretch as far as it needed to to make sure they never lost each other.

It was beautiful.

“ _THERE HE IS! SOUSUKE! OVER HERE!”_ All of you were shocked out of the conversation when Nagisa started jumping up and down, pointing to the last few people making their way towards them. Sousuke was amongst them, talking to a man quite a bit older to him and, whatever it had been he had said, making him laugh quite a bit.

His attention snapped up to the little cluster all of you had formed and he waved, holding up a finger to ask for a minute.

“Whoa. The last time I saw him was at Bamboo. Has he gotten bigger or something?” Nagisa, the second shortest of the group of guys, or maybe the shortest (you couldn’t be sure if it was his hair that gave him the couple of centimetres nudge compared to Haruka or if they were the same height, actually), seemed to wonder aloud as Sousuke said goodbye to the older man and made his way over to the group.

“Hey guys. I didn’t know you’d all be here,” surprised, a smile came over Sousuke’s face and you marvelled at how radiant he seemed. His posture, perfect already, seemed to straighten out even more, pride pouring out of him and the reassurance that his friends were always there to congratulate him giving him that extra boost that just made you want to _kiss_ him _–_

_Whoa what the fuck? There’s too many people here to be thinking about shit like that. But look at him…_

His shoulders stood above everyone else’s and no longer seemed heavy with the burden of leading his team to a national victory. You knew from now on that the Olympics was the next goal and rather than bending under the pressure, Sousuke seemed adamant on breaking the barriers he had set himself in his past. As he spoke, his eyes shone with the acceptance of the praise he was receiving, his body buzzing with an energy that had been building up around him for months now, excited to be let out and working its way over you and after he had greeted everyone, he turned to you last with a warm _hey_ but the way his voice softened and he held your gaze as you said it back? It was more than enough. He looked unreal.

Makoto, forever the diplomat, reasoned with the rest of the group as to where they wanted to go to celebrate and it was settled that you would all meet at Bar Bamboo tonight.

After you and Sousuke had said your final goodbyes to the boys and to Kou (maybe you’d start calling her ‘Gou’ too – her reaction to it was priceless), you turned to Sousuke and nudged him.

“Remember the last time you went to Bamboo? Let’s see if I’ll be picking you up from the curb again tonight, eh?”

You had to laugh at Sousuke’s face after you mentioned the incident, and in between the both of you laughing at his own mess the both of you made you way out of the stadium and towards the one place you two knew best.

_Home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In less than two weeks my exams start and so this may be the last chapter I can upload for a long time! I just hope that the introduction of so many characters that we all know and love is enough to tide everyone over until I can find a chance to celebrate the exam season being over by writing fanfiction lmao.
> 
> I realised that I had to change 'Gou' throughout the fanfic to 'Kou' in order for Nagisa's entrance to actually make sense and I'd gotten so used to her being called Gou in the anime that I'd completely forgotten that her name is actually 'Kou' so I had to go through the entire fanfic all over again and change each instance her name came up. Fuck, what a long sentence. Also, bless Ctrl+F or else I would have given up.
> 
> As for how the other characters are written? I have trouble navigating Sousuke, for goodness' sake, so this was near impossible to get through. I did have to rely on a lot of tropes for each of the glance, my shitty excuse (a;though there should be no excuses) being that this is the first meeting and that the reader's relationship with all of them is pretty shallow so far, just like their portrayal. PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW THEY CAME ACROSS! All constructive criticism is welcome!
> 
> My longest chapter yet? Yes. Was it hard? Yeah. Was it fun? FUCKING HELL YES, OH MY GOD. So here's to more of these longer chapters and less of the fillers...does this count as a filler?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. Without your comments and encouragement, I would have no reason to continue publishing so thank you for each and every reader who takes the time to comment. You make it all worth it.  
> See you in the next chapter!


	21. Disintegration, annihilation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Find the beat of my heart, my heartbeat..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...not really a songfic but I would highly recommend that you listen to Disintegration by Monarchy ft. Dita Von Teese as you read this chapter. It's all I listened to while writing it and I really hope that you enjoy both the song and the chapter!
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT, whether it be some constructive criticism or pointing out a mistake I made (I'm not the best with proofreading) or even just to say hi. If it weren't for comments, I wouldn't be updating this fic. 
> 
> Thank you and I hope you enjoy!

_“Disintegration…suffocation…my life is taken…annihilation…”_

The bathroom smelled of Sousuke’s shampoo and body wash, the smell overwhelmingly _him_ but missing the warmer notes of his body heat and his own unique chemistry that made him simply Sousuke.

_Simply Sousuke. Huh, sounds like a scent. Good luck trying to bottle pure intoxication._

You scoffed to yourself at the thought and continued to play around with your make up, deciding that the lipstick you had bought a week ago would go much better with the outfit you were wearing tonight than the one your great aunt had gifted you. You were pretty sure it had come from a gift packet she had already been given and it was just a colour she hadn’t particularly taken to herself but it was the thought that counted, right?

_“Save my love for you…I’m saving my love for you…”_

The song you were listening to was a heavier one like the scent that hung so pleasantly around you, brushing across the tips of your fingers and you worked with the lipstick and the bass danced up your feet to your hips, moving them ever so slightly so as not to mess up this look. The voices of the singers hissed and pulsed and the beat thumped heavily like the beating of your heart. Although it was called Bar Bamboo, Sousuke told you the place was more akin to a club and you were internally leaping at the idea of enjoying a night out with two of your closest friends and a whole new group who seemed interesting in their own ways.

“I think this is called déjà vu, no?”

You heard him come down the hallway and stop in front of the open bathroom door. You didn’t stop working your make up, even when he spoke. You were sure he saw your smile at his words.

“Mmm, it’s getting a bit creepy, no?” You couldn’t move your mouth too much and so your words came out a bit unclear, but you knew he caught your mocking tone and you heard his small laugh.

By now he was stood by you, watching your face and not your reflection. You were hell-bent on making sure that this lipstick – _crimson red –_ was impeccable. The concentration and the subsequent satisfaction when you finally gave the last swipe washed over your face and Sousuke, unbeknown to himself, was all but burning holes on your lips by how hard he was staring.

Your movements had reduced to tapping your foot to the beat of the music and, as you put the essentials for touch-ups into your handy little clutch, Sousuke asked you something that almost knocked you backwards.

In hindsight, it wasn’t that big of a question, just a simple, “that’s a new lipstick, isn’t it?” You turned to him (theatrically slowly, deciding that being extra tonight could start now) in mock shock.

“You noticed, Sous? God, that’s so sweet of you! Good to know my landlord notices _and_ cares for my spending habits,” you quipped, adding a dazzling smile at the end to show off your handiwork and earning a thoroughly exasperated look from him.

“You know, I’m technically not your landlord,” and he’s right. It’s the sweet old couple who lives on the ground floor and who, on one occasion, asked you were your ‘sweet, handsome boyfriend’ was. You’d been very careful on tactfully avoiding talking on yours and Sousuke’s arrangement since that particular misunderstanding.

You rolled your eyes at his technicality and corrected yourself. “Fine, fine. You’re my roommate. Happy?”

There was a pause in the conversation where his reply was supposed to be and you stopped what you were doing to look over at him. Did you say something wrong?

You couldn’t read his expression.

Sousuke looked at you. He just… _looked_ at you. He didn’t stare, his didn’t judge, he didn’t glare. He just saw you. And then he saw the sink. And then the mirror.

When he did look at you, he seemed to be asking the next question more with his eyes than with his voice.

“So I’m _just_ your roommate?”

_“There’s a beating inside of me…open up, we can take it slowly…”_

“No. Fuck, no! I’m sorry, it was just a part of the joke, Sous,” you insisted, “of course you’re more than my roommate. You know that, right?”

The music was still going, on loop, picking up like the beat of your heart alongside the mechanical thumping of the bass and the serenade of the verses. It was just now that you took in what Sousuke was wearing.

It was so simple, but so much _more_ than that. He wasn’t in layers, he wasn’t in patterns, but just in a black shirt – with buttoned up cuffs and everything – and black jeans. He was like a black hole, drawing in energy and light, the world around you dimming until the only light that came from it came from him, paradoxically enough. The music seemed to fade in the background and the missing warmth in the scent that filled the air? It closed in on you, delicious and delectable and damning.

It didn’t faze Sousuke that you had essentially just checked him out, letting your eyes roam over the expanse of his body.

You almost forgot that you’d been waiting on a reply from him and when it came, you almost melted under the weight of his voice and his eyes and his _everything._

He just very simply asked, “do I?”

What a stupid question. You knew you wanted him to be more than that. You knew you wanted to share your life with him in ways you were hesitant to act on. You wanted to hold him, to be held. To kiss him, to be kissed. To have him and be his.

So it all came down to this moment. You were being drawn into his own gravity, the way the world spun around him and the energy he released made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. The bated breath you’d been holding in let itself out in a soft sigh and you let yourself bask in the way his eyes left yours to look down at your lips. It was clear that you were affecting him just as much as he affected you so into freefall you went.

“Yes, you do.”

_“Save my love for you…saving my love for you…”_

It was just a small gap between you two and you closed it. Your arms wrapped around his neck, his around your waist. You took this moment to savour the feeling of him against you. All of you was pressed up to him. Legs against the roughness of his jeans, your arms against his smooth shirt collar. Through the contact, you could feel his heartbeat and became aware of your own, racing against your chest and you couldn’t take your eyes away from his lips, letting them flicker up to see his eyes that looked into yours.

You’d never looked at his face from this close before. You saw the small scar at the end of his left eyebrow, the redness in his cheeks from the heat of the bathroom – or maybe the lack of distance between the two of you – and the slight dryness of his lips. Then he licked them.

It didn’t really register for you that you’d closed your eyes and met his lips with yours. It _did_ with you that he sighed into the kiss, his arms wrapping tighter around you and lifting you off the floor a bit. You noticed the way he worked pressure into the kiss as it turned into a series of smaller ones, some hard, some ghosting at the edge of your mouth.

The last one made your knees weak and you moaned out of pleasure, one of his hands resting on your back, the other holding the side of your face as he pulled away and it seemed like the world came back in focus. Your hands were in his hair, stroking through the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck as you tried to catch your breath and bring yourself back down to earth again. It wasn’t like fireworks had gone off the moment your lips touched, but the intensity of everything washed you away. You’d felt like you were floating in the never ending expanse of the ocean, the only anchor being Sousuke’s own body, him giving you his breath to stay alive. He was all you were feeling at this moment, all that you were thinking about in this moment. You didn’t even care that you could see your gloss smeared across his lips which most likely meant you had to go over your make up again because if there was only one thing you were thinking of, wanting to, and needing to do again – kiss the life out of the man in your arms.

Sousuke was smiling now, soft but altogether knowing of what he had just done to you. Your heart was still beating as hard as the bass of the song was bumping and your eyes fluttered closed when, after a few more breathless moments, Sousuke, as soft as his smile was, kissed the spot just underneath your ear and you couldn’t help the shiver that ran so deliciously up you back. He stayed there, his breath warm and his other hand settling on the other side of you neck.

“Took us long enough,” you quipped, trying to sound somewhat amused but you were aware that you sounded just as wrecked as you probably looked. All from a _kiss._

“Mmm. I can’t remember why I held back for so long, now.”

Pulling away, you looked into his eyes in bewilderment. “Held back? For how long?”

Sousuke laughed then, the sound travelling through you to the tip of your fingertips that felt the softness of his hair and that traced mindless patterns across the nape of his soft neck.

“At least two years, I’d say.”

_Jesus FUCKING Christ did he just say two years?_

You were sure that if you tried to widen them any further that your eyes would pop right out of your head. Unbeknownst to you, Sousuke found the look on your face beyond adorable. You were stunned and just about managed to reciprocate when he leaned in for another kiss this one more playful with nips and giggles in between the meeting of your lips.

* * *

 

If it hadn’t been for the ringing of his phone in his back pocket, Sousuke would have surely carried on with the kisses, the embracing, the confessing. He needed this. He wanted to continue to feel the fabric of your dress brush over the warmth of your body, to feel the sighs that left your mouth to spill so softly into his. To bathe in the glow of your attention, your sweet smile and the heat you offered in this moment with the bass of the music working its way through both of you to shake off the hesitance, the fear of what this change could bring.

He needed to feel you.

Sousuke had a hunch that it was the boys, calling to see whether or not the two of you were coming. The pair of you were already on your way to being late, the only reason he had walked in here was to make you aware of this but everything had gone out the proverbial window when he saw your profile.

He felt like he paled in comparison next to you. He would _never_ have been able to pull of the dress that you were wearing and he was pretty sure he’d look very much like Pennywise’s reject cousin if he attempted to work his make up the way you managed to do so skilfully. Whether it was the prospect of a night out or the masses of tension that was already palpable between the two of you, Sousuke knew that this night was going to be one he would definitely not be forgetting, no matter how much alcohol he would potentially be guzzling.

“Are you two even coming? We’re already inside and Rei’s all pink already!”

Rin’s words, almost sucked away by the vacuum of music inside the crowded bar, was loud enough for both of you to hear despite not being on speakerphone. Sousuke watched as you smiled knowingly and felt his own little one forming at the look on your face.

“Yeah, we’ll be there, don’t worry. Just a bit late, is all.”

“… _ohhhh, oh-kay,_ I see how it is,” replied Rin, earning raised eyebrows from the two of you, “you lovebirds take all the time you want, yeah? Just get here before Nagisa and Gou grab all the shots by trying to outdrink each other.”

“Sure.”

Rin hung up on Sousuke who was too stunned to even move his thumb. He looked warily back at you for your reaction, worried that you were offended at what his best friend had said about your…tardiness.

“He…he thinks we’ve already fucked, doesn’t he?”

Well, at least you weren’t embarrassed by it. Sousuke knew you wouldn’t anger at the immediate speculations of his friend but hadn’t thought you’d be so blasé about it. He laughed, a quick exhalation of the breath he had seemed to hold since Rin had hung up.

“Yeah…no idea where he got that from. Sorry.”

He felt a bit dejected when you stepped out of his embrace, the air around that didn’t match the heat of your body or the scent from the nape of your neck settling around him as you shrugged your shoulders lightly and picked up your clutch.

“Can’t blame him. Who _wouldn’t_ want to have a bite of all that?”

Sousuke felt heat rise to his cheeks as you looked him up and down, biting your lip so lightly. He knew it was a joke, a knowingly silly little remark in response to Rin’s unknowingly silly little remark, but the thought of your appreciation, the reciprocation of want, it was not something he had considered. At least, not in such an _explicit_ way.

It just registered with him that you had laughed, proclaimed a quick, “just _kidding,_ Sous,” and started making you way past him. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, only lean in when you gave him a soft peck on the cheek and rubbed his arm.

Dancing, drinking, _flirting._ He thought he was capable of all of these things but with the even more intoxicating presence of you…he wasn’t sure he was going to make it through the night in one piece.


	22. Drink me in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night is still young and the air is filled with the sweet taste of expectation, a delicious uncertainty that only serves to drive the two of you closer together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I want to thank each and every single one of you readers, no matter how long you've been around, for your continued support and love for this story. I know this chapter doesn't have too much of Sousuke/Reader, but my love for the other characters took me to engage the Reader with them. I love the dynamics some of them have and wanted to show the way some of them might have changed as they reached and are working through their adulthood. It's always lovely to have creative license with characters that truly inspire you to write.
> 
> I felt it was really important to have the Reader be close to Gou. I love her character, love the drive of fun and plain old goodness that she has in her and I just wanted there to be - even if it was small - a sole interaction with her and the Reader. The dialogue didn't pass the Bechdel test but everything else they spoke of did...not good enough! I'm gonna make sure they talk about something other than those nasty boys next time! :')
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a comment; all constructive criticism is always welcome.

It was beautiful to see the mirth in Sousuke’s eyes as he laughed at Makoto’s flustered protests to a quip Gou had made about him, the string that tied the group together knitting them so close together that, even though they seemed to be on different walks of life, their stitches would never truly come undone.

If you were someone else, someone less content with where they were, you might have been jealous – resentful, even – of the bond each of them had with one another while you sat simply watching the years of camaraderie overspill in the one night they all got to see each other.

But there was no way you could be bitter, not when all their smiles seemed to outshine the half-moon outside.

Although it was called Bar Bamboo, the place resembled a club more than anything else. The lights were low, the music was loud, and the drinks were wild. The colours were luminescent and the names were bizarre.

You picked up your drink – _disintegration_ – which was a beautiful teal and purple, the ice on the top purple half making the drink look like it was topped off with a handful of amethysts. Its taste was sharp at first, intense, but when it made its way coolly down your throat, it warmed the pit of your stomach, the taste of it lingering on your tongue. It was heavy, dark; a contrast to the bright colours it was made up of.

Just like the man next to you.

Sousuke’s drink – _annihilation_ – was apparently the other half of _disintegration,_ a blend of liquid sunshine and blood red that you could smell from where you were standing. Whenever Sousuke took a sip, the bottom colour, the fire red, seeped up into the yellow and stained it, the blood tainting the drink, the fire entering Sousuke’s system as he watched his friend expand their captivating and enamouring bubble. You felt as if everyone in the club was staring at the lot of you.

You noted that a lot of people’s eyes seemed to be on Gou and Nagisa who were singing along to the songs that played, the two of them creating their own little hurricane as they spun around each other, the heat of their bodies and cold of their drinks spiralling around one another to egg on the small storm they created. There was no stopping them.

Not that none of you hadn’t tried, of course. Rin had told his little sister to watch out over and over again, Rei holding Nagisa by the shoulders whenever he started to dip too low – you were all afraid he woudn’t get up if he hit the ground in this state.

You saw how tense Rei’s shoulders were in comparison to Nagisa’s whose entire body was falling like sand through Rei’s fingers. Gou laughed at this, her hair glowing brighter than the fire in Sousuke’s drink and dancing as enthusiastically around her shoulders as she was to the music. It made sense that people were staring with intrigue instead of annoyance; although they were loud, their moves were fluid and they represented the two faces of the sun – its nurturing yellow and burning red. They were the incarnations of the day in the night.

“Rei,” you tried to shout above the ruckus, but you couldn’t be heard so you turned to Makoto and asked, “Makoto, could you please get Rei’s attention for me?”

The other man nodded and tapped Rei’s shoulder, pointing to you when he had his attention.

“Why don’t you go with them to the dance floor? It’ll tire them out and you can also keep an eye on them.”

Your proposition was met with a general agreement around the table with Rin giving Rei an actual push to have him on his way. You all watched with amusement as Gou and Nagisa hollered at the welcome change and practically dragged their third force in their hurricane to the heart of the dance floor, the eye of the storm.

Makoto laughed as he watched them go, looking over to you to thank you.

“As much as I love Rei,” he started, sipping his own drink, “I agree that he needed to loosen up a bit. Nagisa and Gou will shake the stiffness out of him.”

“Quite literally,” Haruka agreed, glancing over in the general direction that the trio took off in. You laughed at this, pleased that the pair agreed with your decision, understanding why you sent him with the others.

The conversation picked up from where it left off, easing from one topic to the other, only broken by the welcome introduction of laughter. You chose that moment to excuse yourself. You were met with nods and the guys went back to talking.

As you got up from the stool to go to the bathroom you felt Sousuke’s warm hand on your back and turned around.

“You okay?” He seemed concerned at your sudden departure.

His hair was a bit dishevelled from running his hand through it and the one time Rin messed it up when he made a joke about his high school years. The light in his eyes, reflected from the glow of fluorescent bulbs and the smiles of the other boys were looking into yours with genuine concern.

He looked so cute – deceptively so – and you couldn’t help the small smile that played upon your face. “I’m fine, Sous! Just gonna head to the restroom and I’ll be back, yeah?”

The warmth in your belly grew when he gave you his own smile in return, something that seemed to whisper to you that this was all just between the two of you, that no one else would know of the way his hand dropped from your back into your own palm and squeezed for a small second before letting go.

As you walked away you knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was watching you go because just before you disappeared into the crowd you looked back.

You locked eyes and the promise of something sweet, something as tasty as the drink he as sipping on hung between the heated air of the night.

* * *

 

The restroom wasn’t as crowded as you thought it would have been, only three or so other women standing at the brightly lit mirrors to exchange glances in the middle of talking and fixing their makeup. Just as you went to the space left next to one of them to fix your dress, you heard someone shout your name as the door was closing.

“[Y/N], _[Y/N]!_ Hold the door!”

And you did, happy to find Gou rushing to the door, waving at you. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair was in a cute disarray and her smile was struggling to contain itself, just like the energy that seemed to buzz from her and latch itself onto you.

The two of you hugged and giggled at the sight of Gou as she fixed herself in the empty spot while you hung back and watched her. Before you could chicken out, you asked her the question you’d been wanting to ask since you had been introduced to the group of boys.

“Gou, are you and Nagisa together?”

She stopped what she was doing (trying to fluff her hair back into the state it was before she’d so much as stepped into the ‘bar’) and just smiled. You didn’t know quite what to make of that. When she did speak, her tone was wistful.

“We were but…it didn’t quite work out,” she looked back at you, then looked back down, “we work better as friends, anyway.”

You pondered on this, debating whether or not to drop it or put in your two cents. She made that decision for you.

“Besides, it doesn’t matter whether Nagisa and I were a thing or not since you and Sousuke seem to be getting it on.”

All you could do was shake your head at the smug expression on her face and then watch with amusement as she squealed, jumping up and down. Eventually, she calmed down a bit and you laughed, her excitement so sweet and so contagious.

“You didn’t deny it! Oh my God, you didn’t!” Gou was doing her best to keep quiet, but since she was already a bit tipsy, her idea of quiet and her sober counterpart’s idea of quiet seemed to be worlds apart.

In an effort to calm her and to allow for some understanding of a situation which you didn’t quite understand yet, you held her by the arms and she clasped her hands, excited for what else you had to say.

“Nothing’s certain yet but yeah,” you said, unable to help the smile that reached your face, “we did kiss today.”

You didn’t quite know what prompted it, but Gou suddenly seemed to sober up and she unclasped her fingers to lace hers into yours.

“I promise,” she said, “I won’t breathe a word of this to anyone. You and him, you have to –“ interrupted by a hiccup, “oh, pardon me! But yeah, you and Sousuke should work this out together, so…I wish you two the best!”

After that she seemed to snap back to the Gou you knew and came to love, watching as she started to strike up conversation with the few girls that were left in the restroom. The two of you chatted about a few things other than men. The new promotion she was up for – she worked in marketing – the neighbour that kept her awake at odd hours in the morning with the TV she’d never seemed to stop watching, your dreams of a pet you couldn’t get because of the crabby old couple that owned the building you lived in. Conversation was easy with Gou, her respecting your wishes to avoid certain topics or to explore some in depth. Her wit and compassion shone through in her words and the enthusiastic way she spoke. You helped fix her hair and she sorted out the strap of your dress and you eventually told her you had to pee real bad.

As the two of you parted ways, you thought back to her promise of not breathing a word about you and Sousuke, a feeling you couldn’t explain telling you that you had nothing to worry about for Gou felt like being welcomed home – a woman you’d be so proud to call your sister.


	23. Heat wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do not avert your eyes.  
> It is important   
> that you see this.  
> It is important that you feel this.”   
>  \- Kamand Kojouri

Sousuke wasn’t there when you got back to the boys. Gou was off enjoying herself after you made her drink some water to make sure she was okay and you assumed Nagisa and Rei were still alive. Hopefully Rei was keeping the both of them in check.

Either way, you sat down to enjoy the conversation with Rin, Makoto and Haruka. The four of you spoke about your plans for the present, the future, and reminisced about the past. Haruka didn’t speak as much as the other two, but when he did it couldn’t go unmissed. He wasn’t the most attention-grabbing person in the room, but something about him drew you to listen just that little bit more attentively when he did speak. It might have been his inscrutable countenance that made you want to try and see if any small movement would give away what he was _truly_ thinking, what he may have _truly_ been wanting to say. It may have been the confusingly gentle yet commanding tone to his voice as it rose to be heard over the music blasting from the speakers. You didn’t know much about him but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything to know; it was always the quite ones you’d have to look out for.

Makoto, his closest friend it seemed, was a sweetheart. There was really no other way you could put it. He was generous and considerate and you could feel with each word and each laugh that he was genuine. Not to say that Haruka wasn’t, but Makoto seemed to be okay with coming out of his shell just that little bit more as time went on. Maybe it was the alcohol.

You hadn’t been saying much, simply watching the interactions between the guys. Rin seemed to lead the conversation, his assertive aura casting a casual confidence over the table all of you were crowded around. His laugh was as sharp as his teeth but there was nothing malicious about him if you were being honest. He was just someone who seemed to be very open about who he was and what he felt about the world. A man of emotions, he was just as quick to accidentally embarrass someone and then be embarrassed, all in good nature.

It was wonderful. The easy conversations that came and went, the memories that they shared and the genuine interest in each person’s wellbeing that was shared in this group was something you felt so lucky to be able to be a part of. These people loved what they did and loved each other just as much.

You learned that Haruka and Rin were professional swimmers, men dedicated to the water and to the teams that they shared them with. When they spoke of what they did, even of the gruelling training schedules, nothing seemed to compare to the satisfied gleam in their eyes and the simple, undeniable love they held for what they did. You couldn’t help but think of them as the sea, sun and moon. Haruka, Rin, and Makoto.

Then what did that make Sousuke? Was he the sky? Every time you would look up, you could see him, his eyes the colour of a particular blue reflected in the sea and against the sun, changing with the moon. Ever-present and beautiful by each passing hour.

Or was he the nature that brought balance to the world? The grand oak trees that eclipse the sunlight and stand the tests of time. From climbing them as a zealous child, your goal being to touch the sky that hung so faithfully with the sun, to appreciating their foundation as an adult and wishing you could be so deeply and faithfully rooted in the fabric of the universe as they seemed to be.

Could he be both? The sky and the world that lay below it, working together to create the everyday beauty we had all come to know.

No, none of that seemed right.

_Maybe…_

Amidst your pondering, comparing Sousuke and the boys to the sky and the earth in the middle of a nightclub and forgoing conversation for it, the man by your side spared a glance at you. You’d gone to distant lands and back trying to chase a train of thought but it lead your eyes to rest on Sousuke. When you noticed him looking back at you, all you could offer was a smile in return, still focussed on trying to understand what he could have been to the universe.

It was hard to look away from him. It wasn’t necessarily that he was just a wonder to look at – didn’t stop you from admiring him – but that something else compelled you to look _to_ him and _at_ him. The club’s lighting wasn’t the best, but the coloured lights that washed over his face every now and then and the glow from the table lights brought surreality to his face. In flashes of red and blue he mimicked the dichotomies of anger and calmness. The table lamp’s glow lit him from underneath, emphasising the lines of his neck that met his sharp jaw and the soft eyelashes that seemed like spikes against the curve of his brows. He was impossible to ignore and impossible to escape, in mind and in body.

So he was the air.

He was the crisp, biting winter air that shocked sense into your system, inspiring faster movement and thought. He was the scented air of spring when the flowers bloomed and the pollen either irked you or passed you by, moving from one bud to the next. Then he was the stifling, blanketing air of the summer without any qualms for circulating to give a breeze, reminding you of the sun that had come out to play. After that he would be the autumn air, chasing away the unforgiving humidity and beckoning the call for the breeze and the winds of change that came with it.

Sousuke was impossible to not have in your life, in your lungs and in your bloodstream. At times he could seem plentiful, making you lightheaded and woozy at the thought of so much of him being so close to you all at once. You could then feel the pang and pain if he left your lungs, the absence of him a fact that left you gasping for more, begging for more.

As you came to this realisation the satisfaction on your face was slight but still noticed by the man himself who stood beside you. He seemed confused but he didn’t say anything, the other three at the table not seeming to notice how distracted the two of you had become.

“Are you okay?” Sousuke asked and his warm hand rested on your forearm, a comforting gesture in case you needed it.

More than his comfort, you needed to feel him closer to you, the dawning of his prevalence in your life swelling in your chest and making you want to kiss the shit out of him.

You weren’t really sure if he was comfortable with the others here knowing that you two had something going on so you refrained from holding his hand or moving in too close. Cocking your head to the side and chuckling at the sweet genuinity behind his concern, you replied, “of course I am. I just got lost in my own thoughts for a bit, don’t worry. Are you?”

Then, slowly and bashfully, Sousuke returned your smile and you felt the embers of admiration and adoration for this man start up again in the pit of your tummy and, when he replied, you honestly did not know what to do with yourself –

“More than I’ve ever been.”

You knew, there and then, that there was no going back now. He had you in the palm of his hands and you were content with staying there for the rest of the foreseeable and fantastic future.

* * *

 

The night had been a _riot._ Gou, Rei and Nagisa had come back shortly after your moment with Sousuke, refusing to take adamant _no’s_ as an answer as they proceeded to pull the knights of the round table from their cluster, their vice-like grips a silent demand to _enjoy the rest of the damn night, damn it!_

Funnily enough, the song that had started off the evening for you and Sousuke had been the one that the two of you had danced to together, leading your bodies close enough but also just the right distance apart to show others that this would be no group affair yet still leave some questions hanging in the stifling air as to _is something going on and if so, what the_ hell _is going on?_

You felt like your body couldn’t contain you; you wanted to explode from the happiness and heat that he gave you all throughout the rest of the night. His eyes travelled over you as you swayed to the heavy bass, a hand resting on his arm and then guiding its hand to hour hip that fit into his grip so perfectly. He moved with you, getting more and more comfortable with such a spectacle as _dancing_ in front of _strangers_ – none of them really seemed to notice you, though. They were in their own subliminal spaces, taken away from this reality into one where the world’s worries were nothing but catalysts to move their bodies in unison and Sousuke joined them. He didn’t have a lot of moves in his repertoire, but he also didn’t have any qualms about letting you know just how much he enjoyed your own little inventive ones. Even if the club was stuffy and your bodies had started to turn a bit sticky, all of that was nothing compared to the white hot heat of Sousuke’s breath near your temples, your neck and your lips when he pulled you in closer. At one point you were genuinely worried that you would melt in his arms and become a puddle and he’d slip in it and you’d be _mortified._

Now, you didn’t really know if it was by chance or if they’d engineered it, but your little cluster of newly-made friends got further and further away from the two of you as the minutes passed on the dance floor until you couldn’t spot them, no matter which direction you looked in.

Not that you were one to complain, really. Time alone with this man was something you were craving more than the need for a drink or a break to rest the aching of your feet in the heels you had thought were somewhat practical for a night of dancing. Evidently, you hadn’t known you would be wrapped up in your moment with Sousuke for so long.

You didn’t particularly favour the smell of alcohol, least of all in such a crowded and intense situation. However, the drinks you and Sousuke had favoured were more on the sweet side and you didn’t really mind the taste of it on your tongue when you placed a small kiss on his lips after he had licked them. They gleamed under the sporadic coloured lights and you were so far away from anyone that you may have known, the temptation of a taste of him too good to care about maybe getting caught.

He didn’t deny of you of it. To him, you tasted just as sweet, just as tempting, and just as worth the risk.

After a certain point, you braved turning around and sinking into his hold. The beats got slower and so much more sensual and the crooning of the singers orchestrated the swaying of your bodies. That swaying turned into grinding and that grinding turned you into a furnace, unable to keep a moderate pace of breath or a moderate body temperature while Sousuke’s thighs were in your grip and his hand flush against your stomach. No matter where they landed – nowhere too compromising – you they couldn’t contain the burning desire that was pushing and pounding against your skin, so desperate to reach the object of its own affections.

He was never lewd. He never groped you or manhandled you or even kissed you after the one you placed upon his lips. He was there to hold you and to warm you and to carry you deeper into the fevered need you felt for him.

You didn’t know that it could feel this good; being held. You didn’t think that you’d never want to escape this moment despite the unbearable heat and pain in your feet and the bodies that bumped into you every now and then. They became white noise in the presence of the loudest beat of them all – the hammering of your heart.

You threw glances at him as much as you could, your head stretching to the side to ghost along his chest and jaw when he’d bend down. At times his brows were furrowed and you couldn’t help but bite your lip at how his grip on you would _ever so slightly_ tighten, too. He was holding himself back, denying himself of a release that would come from what? Kissing you again, as passionately as he had before? Holding you as he wished, flush against his body and tighter in his embrace? Or was it something beyond a dance in this overcrowded club, something more akin to a dance the two of you could maybe get lost in without the need for music or convention and instead a need for privacy. Something more…

Sometimes he’d look down at you as you’d look up at him. It got to be too much at times and you’d have to turn away from the dark, unbelievably deep and barely contained look in his eyes. You didn’t know if he knew he was doing his, driving his gaze past your inhibitions and into the part of you that called out for _more,_ for _now._

_Just kiss me again._

But he didn’t. He worked your body to a near-fever, a heat wave you had no hope of riding out without doing anything remotely perverse or untamed or explicit. He just held you and moved with you and _looked_ at you and you were _so beyond gone._

Driving back home that night, you couldn’t help but wonder how you would feel if the man in the driver's seat did anything _more,_ everything you _wanted_ …and if you’d ever be truly ready, whether you’d make it out alive or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooo...it's been a while, hasn't it? My BELATED apologies for the equally belated chapter BUT, in my defence, I am in the midst of my final year of school before applying for uni and in the midst for the said applications so things are a taaad bit hectic. The summer holidays were spent trying to read as many books as possible for this year's studies and cramming in volunteering hours and just trying to wind down after one of the most mentally and physically taxing years of my life so far. I had a LOT to recover from.
> 
> This fic is so fucking important to me. I know it may not seem like that since I don't update as often as I used to but I promise that this is the case. It's been the one channel of creativity I have granted myself since I started it, any other chances at other creative endeavours being MERCILESSLY FUCKED OVER by school. I don't know if my writing's gotten any better since I started (I can't stand to read my own writing) but I just hope that it's done me some good in the long run. It's been super nice to just have something I do without having to hinge my future to it.
> 
> Now, by 'this fic' I mean ALL aspects of it. The writing and the RESPONSE. In light of this, I want to giver user SnowPippin a HUGE, HUGE, H U G E shout-out. With every review that you leave and every word that you type out, I find new sparks to grow the love I have for this fic and the character of Sousuke. AsgardianMisfit? You're also so fucking instrumental in interacting with and motivating me and the progress for this story. Seriously. Thank you for your continued support and wishes of wellbeing - you're amazing. ChrisiADraws, the comments you made about the characterisation as Sousuke and the gang grew up really gave me a boost of confidence in writing out their later years. Thank you for assuring me that I wasn't too far off an agreed mark as to what these dorks could be like when they're older! themarvelousjasmine, not only do I love your current profilepic but also the lil hint at the more...adult themes that might pop up in my repertoire relating to this fic. This chapter is a little bit of a nod to that notion :))) And the fact that you said I'm one of your fav writers, pianofinqers??? MY HEART?? THANKS YOU!!! poetic666, thank you so much for the reassurances about the updates and your comments that quash my fears that people may be losing interest in this fic. I really hope that's not the case.
> 
> I'm going to cut these End Notes off before they end up being longer than the damn chapter but please don't be irked if you weren't mentioned. I read ALL the comments and respond to as many as I can and so please know that, even if it's just a line or sentence about how much you liked the fic or how hot you think Sous is (BECAUSE HE FUCKING IS, REGARDLESS OF HIM BEING A FUCKING ANIMATION), that most SIGNIFICANT proof that you're still here and still reading is what keeps me writing. Thank you.
> 
> As always, constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged.


	24. Eye sea you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean, it's a coffee date. Not much to summarise BUT why are you drifting off so much? Sousuke is curious.

A while ago, before anything between you or Sousuke had transpired, you had a dream.

Now, the details weren’t too apparent in your hazy memory but you could almost feel the way you felt during that dream all over again.

You had been walking along a clear desert path. Only the odd scurrying creature had interrupted the path before you that stretched for miles upon miles, sand dunes at your sides. You couldn’t tell how long had passed; the sun remained above your head.

It wasn’t clear when or how it happened, but the sand slowly started to clear. It got paler and paler until it was white, the heavy blue of the sky, only interrupted by the single iridescence of the sun, grew a little pale. The clouds that dotted it were full and white like the new sand you were walking along. You could feel it between your toes and some of it would ghost past your ankles as a light breeze picked it up. The dunes made way for sprawling, grandiose and lush mountains covered in their entirety in greenery of the most emerald green. The trees bristled gently in the breeze, the flowers at the edge of the forestry facing the same sun that hung just as heavily in the sky and you path continued to extend.

It was a white beach just like the ones you had seen in the travel catalogues you knew you’d never be able to afford in this lifetime but something crucial was missing. There were no recliners, no umbrellas sticking out obnoxiously from the sand, no beach balls flying overhead or any distant bodies walking the same path behind or ahead of you. This was uninterrupted, undiscovered bliss.

Eventually, just as you had come to discover the beach itself with no real recollection of how it happened, came the sea. At first you could smell it, then hear it, and then see it.

No jewel of no clarity or cut could compare to the way it reflected the light of the sun. The clouds cast no shadow over it. The winds cast no waves across it. It was untouchable.

Time didn’t pass. Time didn’t exist in this most beautiful alcove that you had unwittingly walked into. One by one the sights that surrounded you seemed to waver and then wash away with the small tides that came in and out. First, the clouds. Then the flowers at the edge of the forestry, the greenery itself, and then the mountains. Only you, the sand, the sea, and the sun.

You felt as if someone was watching. No panic overcame you, nor did you feel your skin crawl as if you were prey in the eyes of this invisible stranger. Gradually, the gaze fell heavily upon you until you felt as if you were looking directly into the eyes of this person. You didn’t want to look away either. Their eyes were in the sea; their eyes were the sea.

The next morning when you turned to greet Sousuke, you found your stranger. Looking into his eyes, the sea stretched out in front of you all over again, teal and stunning and oh so deep.

* * *

 

Sousuke sat across from you in the small café, sipping his warm coffee. You knew of his morning coffee habit and suggested doing this outside. You weren’t met with any objection, even if he had been only half awake at the time and not fully understanding what you had said. He could be so adorably confused when he woke up.

In the time you had come to know him you noticed that he never drank coffee at any other time of the day. You’d asked him and he said he didn’t really like the stuff but he had no choice since it was the only thing strong enough to wake him up in the morning.

_So that was why he’d scrunch his nose (in disgust) every time he would bring the cup to his lips. That’s cute._

“What is it?”

* * *

 

Sousuke saw you blink and shake your head a bit in surprise. The small smile you gave him as you cocked your head to the side was one he couldn’t help but return.

“What are you thinking about? You’ve been staring into space for the past few minutes.”

He couldn’t help that his smile grew as he watched you laugh to yourself and shake the question off, saying it was nothing, just something you remembered. He wasn’t sure if you were aware, but you did this a lot. Sometimes while watching TV he’d turn to make a comment and find you staring at a spot on the wall away from the screen, simply lost in your own thoughts. Sometimes it’d be while eating and the bite you were chewing would stay stuffed in the side of your cheek as you mused over the little things in your head. You’d start chewing again, either shaking your head or smiling at the direction your thoughts had taken you and he’d be none the wiser to what just happened.

“I was remembering a nice dream I had, that’s all,” you offered, and Sousuke’s eyebrow rose.

“Was I in it?”

He thought you’d be flustered or lightly hide him for the look on his face, yet none of those came. Instead, a faraway look washed over your face and he placed his cup down. He was interested in this nice dream of yours. You’d never spoken about your dreams to him except from the one time you mentioned you had a nightmare about your taxes turning into _‘fucking huge paper monsters who tried to eat me, Sousuke!’_

You had definitely chided him _then_ when he then laughed at that so hard at that tears escaped both of his eyes.

Then he could see you hesitate before you answered. You were thinking about how to explain something and he wanted to know what it was. He leaned in a bit.

“Not…really,” you began and Sousuke’s confusion was apparent on his face, “as in you weren’t there in _person_ but probably, like…in spirit?”

Now Sousuke was more confused than before. He leaned back in his seat and watched as you smiled at his confusion.

_She’s cute when she does that._

“In spirit, huh?” Sousuke wanted you to go on, to try and elaborate because this seemed to be something that had you pondering over it for a while on your little coffee date.

“Yep. In spirit. You were there but you weren’t.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“I can’t really explain it that well but…”

This brought him back in again, knees on the table and eager to hear what you had to say next. He could tell you were either embarrassed or unwilling to tell him but equally determined to make him a part of this.

“The sea.”

“The sea?”

“Your eyes. The colour of your eyes was the same as the colour of the sea in my dream.”

Sousuke watched as you looked away, seeming somewhat flustered at telling him this. He didn’t know why you should be so reluctant to tell him something like that but he wasn’t going to lie to himself – he liked it.

The sea in her dreams was the same colour as his eyes? To him, that was pretty profound. He never really thought anything about his eyes. They were blue, so what?

Yet this clearly wasn’t the case for you. His eyes had turned into the oceans and you had called it a _nice dream,_ something that gave you a look of warmth when you had been thinking about it and Sousuke found himself hoping that this happened every night. Hoping that you would dream of him implicitly and explicitly so that same sweet look could come over your face because you were thinking about _him._

He wouldn’t call himself a possessive person. He didn’t demand that his partner centre their universe around him, that they think of him and only him. It was just the thought of being able to make someone happy – you seemed happy with the dream – without even knowing was something that made his heart beat just a little bit harder and a little bit faster.

Still, it seemed that regardless of what he thought of his own eyes, you thought of them as so much more. The sea is expansive, powerful and all-encompassing while managing to also be graceful, calming and beautiful. Were his eyes really all of those things to you? Was he really both powerful and graceful to you? He couldn’t imagine someone being so fond of him, their subconscious expressing that to them in their dreams, their most private of moments.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think much of himself, either. Sousuke was aware of what he could do and he had been in relationships where he had been admired, had his own people that he admired. This was different, though.

He was in your dreams and he was beautiful to you.

He just hoped you wouldn’t notice the blush that he tried to hide behind his coffee cup.

* * *

 

By some wonder you and Sousuke found that the streets were quiet on this Saturday morning. You had to go into work today for a special clientele meeting and Sousuke had expressed his slight frustration at this as he said he’d planned to spend the day with you. You had promised him a next time and he made you give a pinky promise on top of it to make sure.

For a grown man that towered over the general population, he could be surprisingly childish at times. It was adorable.

Sousuke had offered to walk you to the train station for your commute and you accepted. You wanted to take whatever time you could spend with him and milk it for all it was worth. You had been looking so damn much to spending the day with him until the phone call for your work had come in. Unfortunately, this was not something you could put a rain check in for.

“My train should be here in about ten minutes. Are there delays? I think there are,” you said as you looked up to the screened times.

You were leaning against Sousuke, mindful to not make him too uncomfortable in case his shoulder started flaring up.

_I’m not even leaning on that shoulder but I don’t want to hurt this wonderful man. He came all the way to the station for me when he could have gone back to the warm apartment. Shit, it’s cold._

“I’ll be early either way. The whole thing isn’t until two hours but my team needs some final prep time for this. It’ll be a bit intense but it should be over in an hour and that’s _amazingly_ good considering some negotiations take days of non-stop meetings.”

“Mmm. I remember the ones you had last year in April.”

You smiled at that, flattered that he remembered because you hadn’t. Maybe you wanted to block it from your memory. As tiring as your job could be, it was just as rewarding in its own ways. Even if it did mean being pulled away from Sousuke for a few hours today of all days.

You had learned that he wasn’t big on PDA. You once gave him a kiss on the cheek before leaving the centre he gave his coaching services to and the _glaring_ blush that covered his cheeks and the way he stiffened _screamed_ embarrassment. He later told you that he had no real aversion to such things, just that he got flustered pretty easily and didn’t want to embarrass himself. The cutest thing was that he had gotten flustered while telling you this.

 _He’s so imposing without meaning to be but he’s also so s o f t._ Who is _this man?_

All of this was why you were so shocked at what he did next.

Sliding his arm around your waist, Sousuke pulled you closer to him to face you. His coat was plush and his hand slipped under yours to stoke your side ever so slightly. Something so small wouldn’t usually cause you to react. You still shivered at the welcome warmth.

He leaned in when you looked up and you couldn’t help but look down at his lips – _so close…_

The kiss was wasn’t long, nor was it steamy, but it came out of nowhere and that was enough to make your legs weak. A simple pressing of his – soft, warm, smooth – lips to yours and another small one to the corner of your mouth was all it took for your heart to take on a sprint. He pulled away without a word, keeping eye contact.

“Good luck, [Y/N],” he wished, his voice so low and so delicious, “I’ll be waiting for you at home.”

_Home. Waiting. For you._

You watched Sousuke walk away and, with no shadow of a doubt, you knew that this meeting would feel like the longest one in your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE FOR THE TERRIBLE PUN THAT IS THIS CHAPTER TITLE. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. Also, please let me know if there are any grammar/spelling mistakes. I edited this at the asscrack of dawn after an all-nighter OOPS.
> 
> Now that that's over, I'd like to give you all two little pieces of FANTASTIC news...I AM ON ANTI-DEPRESSANTS AND I APPLIED FOR UNI! I know the first one may seem like a bit of a downer but I am SO happy to finally be able to do something about my mental health, holy SHIT. The only reason I hadn't gotten any medication before this was because I wasn't eighteen yet and my parents' attitudes towards mental health are a bit archaic. That's a mild way to put it. They think that if you have no real reason to be sad then you're just attention seeking and that meds are bullshit. Now that I'm eighteen and can go to my General Practitioner on my own without them being informed, I am SO PUMPED. The side effects have been kicking my ass for a bit but it's worth it. I feel stable and that is not something I have felt for SO LONG.
> 
> The other thing - UNIVERSITY - can explain why these updates are so sporadic. I AM APPLYING FOR ENGLISH AHH. 
> 
> I'm now working on figuring out where this story will go in the midst of preparing for uni and A level exams. I want to thank every single reader for their understanding and comments. Without those comments, without the visible support, I would have abandoned this story before its fifth chapter. Also, I've noticed that this story is LITTERED (in the truest meaning of the word) with purple prose. I need to work on that, ASAP.
> 
> SO HERE'S TO ALL OF US! For growing up and finding our own paths, that is. No matter how long it takes or how winding the road is I truly hope that we all find our own peace and stability some day.
> 
> As always, all and any comments and constructive criticism are encouraged and welcome!


	25. Beneath the milky twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the hours of the early morn you find your places beside one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS FINALLY HERE! After what feels like YEARS, it is FINALLY HERE! I am so sorry that this chapter took so long and that it may be RIDDLED with errors and inconsistencies...I wrote and rewrote it over several days during the midnight hours. I guess that was the inspiration for the general mood? Either way, thank you so much for the continued support and the sweet messages you have been sending! 
> 
> I want to thank AsgardianMisfit especially for her encouragement and suggestions of how to beat the writer's block that fell on me so suddenly that I'm sure it must have given me a concussion, lol. If anyone wants to contact me, even if it's just to say hi, I'm on twitter as 'kvrdelen' and would love to get to know y'all!
> 
> Here's to a substantially more creative and productive 2018 (hopefully!) and the prospect of maybe finishing this story :') I have no idea where it's going at this point and hope it's not something that's bothering any of my awesome and super sweet readers! 
> 
> As always, constructive criticism is welcome. The chapter notes and the chapter itself have been breathed to life at nearly two in the morning so, again, my apologies for any nonsensical stuff that could be floating around this chapter <3

You were trying to be as quiet as you could but, while this apartment was lovely, the building it was a part of wasn’t the newest around. Floorboards creaked underneath the balls of your feet and your bedroom door made a noticeable squeak when you tried to close it. It wasn’t the worst noise you could have created – the upstairs neighbours’ New Year’s Eve parties were infamously _intense –_ but you still cringed at every one, not wanting to wake Sousuke.

A look towards the clock above the television unit, faintly illuminated by the light coming through the kitchen window, told you it was just past two in the morning. The world around you was at a standstill and the faint moonlight that seeped its way inside saturated everything it touched with blues and greys.

Running the tap as slowly as you could so as not to rattle the old pipes you filled up a glass. The view from the kitchen window was always something you had liked about this place. No tall buildings obscured it, no commercial billboards tainted it as far as the eye could see. The lights of the city were still available to the naked eye, but for some reason you couldn’t figure out, they seemed muted in the wake of the moon; almost as if they were in awe of her beauty just as you were.

You drank your water in sips and were in no hurry to get back to bed any time soon. It had been a fruitless task, trying to sleep, and the amount of tossing and turning you had done to try and find a remotely comfortable position had done nothing but make you thirsty. You didn’t know what was making you so restless or what could have been bugging you that you weren’t aware of already. Nothing seemed out of place, you weren’t under any deadline pressures from work at the minute and things with Sousuke were getting easier by the day. You two were taking steps forward and, with each one, you fell more in time and in tune with one another.

Well, as in sync as you figuratively could. His legs were long as fuck.

You didn’t realise how deep in your thoughts you were delving to and so the sound of footsteps only registered from as close as the joint living room. Considering how tall and packed with muscle he was, Sousuke didn’t make much noise as he made his way over to you. You didn’t have to turn to know it was him and you smiled at the sound of his yawn as he neared. His arms wrapped around you waist and you leaned back into the warmth that encircled you. Soft and low, he spoke to you and into the night.

“You okay? It’s late,” he asked, and the sound of his sleepy and honeyed voice was enough to bleed some of the tension out of your shoulders that you hadn’t even been aware of.

You hummed an affirmation and leaned your head back onto his chest, closing your eyes. You wanted to remember this moment, burn in behind your eyelids and onto the parts of your skint hat touched his to trace the outlines of how he had you so close, so secure. You wouldn’t have registered the pain at all if it had happened right in that moment.

“Can’t sleep,” you whispered. You thought that if you spoke any louder that, somehow, you’d shatter the delicacy of the moment.

Sousuke didn’t let that happen. His head dipped down to your shoulder, his cheeks grazing the side of your neck and delight danced down your spine when you felt his lips come to rest gently on the crook of your neck. It was his turn to hum in affirmation but the way its vibrations played through you had you lost in him. He stayed there and let one of your hands that had been resting on his folded arms reach up and stroke through his hair. It was so soft to the touch.

He smelled faintly like the detergent the two of you used for the laundry, the cologne he would spritz before he set off for work and something else that you couldn’t place. It was the scent of long hours lying in bed, coddled with soft breaths puffed from under the duvet. It was the fragrance of warmth and sunlight, the cold and the moon – being together in a bed, separate in a dream – all at once.

Sousuke slowly lifted his head and you hand brushed his soft temple, the side of his brow, the angle of his cheek and then jaw, the column of his neck.  Placing a soft kiss to the crown on your head, he gently rocked the two of you from side to side.

“Let’s go to bed,” he offered, the words barely above a whisper. Wordlessly, you turned around and took the hand he offered and followed Sousuke to his bedroom.

His room was no bigger than your own, the bed underneath the window, a bookshelf next to the door and a wardrobe next to chest of draws opposite it. It was a sleek and modern set up with painted black woods and silver accents that gleamed in the night lights pouring through the window. It was a contrast to the natural woods and antique accessories in your room but it suited Sousuke. It wasn’t a completely soulless room as plaques, pictures and posters were placed around the room and showed his most proud moments and prized possessions.

The duvet on his bed was thrown back and you watched as Sousuke made his way onto his bed, getting comfortable as he lied down, extending his good arm out.

Now that you were snuggled up against him and under the cover of his large duvet, you could appreciate the comfort of his body and the way it fit against yours. It was always so comforting to know that he would be there for you no matter what, just as you would for him. No matter how thing turned out for the two of you in the end you felt satisfied; you were living with no regrets. You had taken the steps that you had wanted to take for so long and all the stars had aligned to meet here, in this very moment, in the arms of the man you loved.

Neither of you had spoken those three words to one another – _I love you –_ but this didn’t worry you one bit. It didn’t matter if he didn’t feel it yet or hadn’t said it because, with every passing moment, you could find yourself falling for him just that little bit more. These precious moments meant far more to you than the affirmation of words that could have been given out insincerely. However, _nothing_ about Sousuke was insincere. He may be more aloof than the rom-com partners that sweep the protagonists off their feet, showering them in the grandeurs of love. That was one way to do things, and you could completely understand the appeal of it, knowing that it was what so many people wanted and needed in their relationships, something they valued. If it were another man, you may have wished for those displays of affection from him but this was Sousuke. He wasn’t another man.

He was a pillar of support while also being vulnerable at his core. The person who had greeted you when you’d come to view the apartment for the first time was not the person lying beside you tonight and nor were you the person that had greeted him for the first time that day. The layers that housed the sweet soul within were slow to reveal, but it all proved to be worth the effort in the end. You made an irreplaceable friend, a trusted ally in the perils of life, and a lover who made you feel satisfied and cherished, things you had never thought you were missing but needed.

The faint glow of the city’s night lights poured through his window, something that would have usually irked him. Not tonight, though. Tonight was different.

* * *

 

He’d never had you in his bed before. You two had lied together on the couch at times but this was unfamiliar territory. He didn’t think you’d follow him when he led you to his bedroom but counted his blessings that you had accepted his silent invitation.

This normally wouldn’t be something that would have kept Sousuke up at night. He was kidding himself that it was the light from the outside – it was far too weak to make any real difference to his sleep – when he knew fully well that he was simply _nervous._

And giddy, if he dared to be completely honest with himself.

This would not have been something he would have considered a milestone in any of his relationships before you had come along. What would be so profound about lying next to someone he was already in a relationship with? What would make this so different from all the others? He had no idea, but it was there. There was something here that he hadn’t had before.

You had been quiet ever since you had gotten into the bed and, suddenly, Sousuke was worried that you were uncomfortable or upset in some way.

“You don’t have to stay,” were his only words, something he wanted you to know in this moment but also in the long run. He hoped you understood but, more than that, he wanted to you stay.

The smell of your body wash from your evening shower and the brushing of your cheek against his shoulder hit him out of nowhere as you craned your neck to consider his eyes. He wished he could have preserved that very moment, the soft crease between your eyebrows out of confusion, the parting of your lips when you paused to consider what he had said. In that moment, Sousuke forgot that he was expecting an answer, that he had made a question out of a statement and that it was so early and late at the same time. He kissed you instead.

Every time he kissed you he cursed himself for not kissing you earlier and thanked you for reciprocating the first time around. Every time he held you he wished he could hold you for longer, grasp you a little tighter. He made sure to relish every moment that he got to love you like this, be it under the sun or the moon. As long as Sousuke had you, he had his happiness.

His arms tightened around your waist, lifting you up a bit to rest on his chest and he smiled at how you pouted when it broke the kiss. The swell of your lips pulled him back to you and Sousuke didn’t want to stop this any time soon. He kept himself as composed as he could, not letting his hands wander too far down and past any boundaries that the two of you were tentatively crossing under the moonlight. He didn’t care that he was running short of breath under the warmth of your body and the heat of your kisses. The cold that the winter nights had been bringing were left at the edge of the furnace he was caught in, something that was melting the metal bars of the cage he held his inhibitions behind.

He let you break off the growing intensity of his kisses so that you could trail your own past his chin, over his jaw, on his earlobe, down his neck…

His moan came when your hand brushed over his chest, you lips sucking a hickey above his collar bone, and he revelled in the way you gasped at the sound. It hadn’t registered until you had pulled yourself back up to look into his eyes.

_This is unfair,_ he thought to himself as he looked back at you. _I need to know how **you** sound._

And so, by the time the two of you _finally_ managed to fall asleep, Sousuke’s satisfaction was sated; he had found a sound he liked even more than that of your laughter.


	26. Kiss me, for I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love to love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note: this fic, including this chapter of course, is un-beta'd so I must apologise in advance for any grammatical/spelling errors and a general lack of sense.

As you slowly woke up, the first thing that you were aware of was the warmth of Sousuke’s chest where your hand was resting. Then came the steady fall and rise of his chest as his breaths evened out and he started coming to. After that was the morning light that came from the window. Sousuke’s window.

Sousuke’s bed. You were in Sousuke’s bed. He was lying next to you or rather, you were lying on top of him.

You smiled to yourself as you remembered everything that had transpired in the early hours of the morning. You had slept with Sousuke but you hadn’t _slept_ with him and you nearly laughed at how much like a teenager you felt like all over again. Sex was not a dirty word to you but the thought of sex with Sousuke made something in you restless and anticipate it in the best possible way.

 _Last night we just…fooled around,_ you thought, and that just made you feel even more like a teen but still giddy because simply remembering the kiss that had led to everything else was making the heat rise to your cheeks all over again. You didn’t realise a person could have made you feel like this again, fantasising about them even while they were in your grasp, simply because there was so much that you still wanted from them despite getting your daily fix.

Despite the wave of hormones you seemed to be riding like you were sixteen all over again, so much of what you felt for Sousuke felt like it had been there for years. You fell into a familiarity and comfort that didn’t give way to boredom or staleness. It was a companionship that you would have expected to find from years of being with someone, not the few months that you had just been sharing such intimacy. You found yourself seeking the comfort of his words and arms when you were overwhelmed and content spreading through you when he came to you about his own reservations or concerns. Even on the occasion that he would come to you, you could tell that Sousuke was someone who would actively put others before himself and if he thought that meant not ‘burdening’ you with his own insecurities or worries, that was what he would do.

* * *

 

_“Is there something on your mind, Sousuke?”_

_The two of you were sat at the small island counter that separated the kitchenette from the living space. He took gulps from his steaming coffee mug and you watched him carefully. He was frowning between gulps. Maybe the coffee was too bitter._

_“Hm? Oh, no,” he replied, shaking his head as he put his cup down and checked his watch. “How come?”_

_You didn’t want to keep him from his job, but you knew he still had at least fifteen minutes until he would get up and start making his way out the building on his way to the sports centre. You decided to press on._

_“I dunno, I just feel like there’s something bothering you. I know you know you can tell me, right?”_

_This made Sousuke pause and look back at you as he rinsed the cup and placed it in the dishwasher. He looked as if he was about to reassure you that nothing was up, that it was just the tiredness or coffee or something else that was tied to having to wake up early. You his demeanor change and he came back to sit at the counter._

_You didn’t say anything as he ran his hand through his hair and looked past you absentmindedly to the wall opposite. You already felt like you were pushing him to speak when he would rather keep quiet, but you remained hopeful that he was just gathering his thoughts._

_When he did speak, it came out all at once. Sousuke told you about someone he was coaching – one of the most promising swimmers he had ever come to teach – and the guilt he felt. He was in his late teens with the world ahead of him but, despite Sousuke’s own warnings and advice, he was pushing himself to the limits. He was continuously training, working himself as hard as he could to the point of exhaustion. At first Sousuke had simply been worried for his general health, anxious that the kid would tear or damage something beyond repair just as he had once but when he found him bawling his eyes out in the locker room hours after practice was over he realised that it was too late._

_“It was like looking in a mirror from all those years ago. I felt…” Sousuke trailed off, his head bowed, “I felt like it was my fault.”_

_You shook your head, reaching out for his hands that were balled into tight fists. “You know that’s not true, right? Just as no one forced you to push yourself in the past, no one was making him do this to himself.”_

_He didn’t really say anything to that, just squeezed his eyes shut and let you take his hands into yours. You let a few moments of silence go by as you stroked your thumb against his knuckles._

_Sousuke finally broke the silence, “you’re right. I didn’t…do this to him. He did it to himself, but I can’t – I just can’t let him go through this alone. Not like I did.”_

_“He doesn’t have to. He has you, Sousuke, someone who knows of the pain, someone who refuses to let someone bear it on their own. If he’s anything like you, I know he’ll try and hide it so as not to worry anyone. Don’t let him. Don’t let him rely on himself when he has someone who cares, someone who is willing to lend a hand to guide him through the darkness.”_

_You hoped that he would understand that she was saying this for both the poor swimmer and for the man sat across from you right now. You hoped that these words could reassure him, that your love for him would reach him through them and the through the hold you had on his hands. You’d walk with him for as long as he allowed you to, hold his hand through all the trials and tribulations, because he had been there for you when you had no where to go, no one to go to and now you were under the same roof, sharing the same love._

_You didn’t quite know what the expression in Sousuke’s face was when he lifted his head up to look at you, but the moment he gave you that small smile you loved so much, you knew instantly._

_Gratefulness._

* * *

 

By the time you were done reminiscing on the wonders of falling for Yamazaki Sousuke he had woken up. You lifted yourself up to rest on his chest and looked down to his cute face and his cute, grumpy pout. He was _not_ a morning person.

“Good morning, Sous.”

All you got in return was a groan and what you could make out to be a _g’morning_ in return. You laughed at how disgruntled he was until he gave you a tired smile. “No kiss?”

He looked so soft lying there with his mess of hair and sweet little grin. Quite a stark contrast to the man who had you wrapped around him last night.

“I would, but…morning breath,” you excused, not wanting to gross him out before you had brushed your teeth but you just felt him shrug underneath you.

“Don’t care. Wanna kiss you.” This really made you laugh.

“You’re so _childish_ in the morning! It’s so cute,” you said as you combed your hands through his hair and your smile growing along with his at your words.

“If I’m so cute then why don’t I get a kiss, hm?”

It was your turn to groan and you ducked your head into his shoulder, laughing at how he was being. “Because I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet, Sous!”

He looked up at you and simply raised an eyebrow. “Still don’t care.”

You knew he wasn’t going to let you get away from his grip without at least a departing kiss or two and it wasn’t that you were terribly averse to the idea of a quick peck in the morning, but simply that you wanted to play with him as he was with you.

“Fine!” You gave up, leaning in closer so that you could whisper, “what’s the magic word?”

Then, in the morning light of a winter morning that could have been as forgettable as any other, Yamazaki Sousuke spoke clearly from his own heart and soul to yours with the words that would cement _everything_ , including a kiss.

“I love you.”

And even though it was more than one word, you didn’t mind; it worked to earn him many kisses, along with your own admission of love, your heart and your soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter! Leaving a kudos and a comment would be greatly appreciated! If anyone would also like to get the word out about this story, please feel free to do so as I'm worried that the prolonged hiatus of mine may have turned quite a few people away from following updates D:
> 
> While having a conversation with AsgardianMisfit, I wondered whether or not Sousuke would mind Reader leaning on his shoulder? It's been years since the injury in this fic and I wanted to ask what you guys would think about his attitude towards it? Thankfully, people enjoy and support my characterisation of Sousuke but if there's anything you don't agree with or have a different viewpoint on, please do let me know! I'd love to get some discussions going in the comments!
> 
> I hope all of you have a lovely day and, as always, constructive criticism is always welcome <3


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